Category Archives: General Thoughts
Success In Softball Is Not a Get Rich Quick Scheme
Imagine you are given $1,000 to spend any way you want. Rather than spending it on some thing right away, you decide you’re going to invest that money to turn that $1,000 into more money.
Now, you could put it into some “get rich quick” scheme you’ve been seeing on social media, such as a “hot stock” or a multi-level marketing program. Or you could go with something more stable such as a market index fund. (Kids, ask your parents.)
Which do you choose?
If you selected the first option, good luck to you, hope it all works out. It would be nice if you could take that $1,000 and turn it into $10,000 or $50,000 or whatever you think is a lot of money in just a few days.
But the more likely outcome is you not only don’t get that big payoff, you lose the $1,000 you originally had too.
If you selected the second option, you stand a much better chance of getting the type of reward you’re looking for. While any investment opportunity will tell you there is never a guarantee, your odds of success are far higher with the longer-term opportunity – as long as you have the patience to wait for that payoff.
Learning softball skills is much the same way. You take a couple of lessons or you go to a couple of practices and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn enough to get really, really good really, really fast.
While it’s not impossible (if you’re incredibly gifted as an athlete), it’s highly unlikely.
The more realistic outcome is that not much changes and you’re still just as far behind those players who have been working at it for a long time as you were before. You may even go backwards a little at first because while what you were doing before may not have been ideal, you at least knew how to do it that way.
Now you’re trying to learn a new way to do the same thing and it just may take a while before your body and your central nervous system adapt to the input and can execute it with the same energy and enthusiasm you were bringing before.
Don’t think of that as failure, though. Think of it as investing in your long-term success.
Because if you’re working with the right coach, one day what you’re being taught will suddenly make sense and it will click. What seemed difficult just a little while ago will become easier, and you’ll start to produce the outcomes you were looking for without too much conscious effort.
The key here is patience. Because just like turning your $1,000 into $50,000, getting good at pitching, hitting, throwing, fielding, etc. doesn’t happen overnight.
Instead, it takes a commitment to getting a little better each day as Bobby Simpson likes to say. How many of those days will it take before you see the big payoff?
It’s impossible to say. Every player is on her own journey, with her own sets of abilities and challenges to overcome.
The key is to keep investing in yourself, and not worrying about where you are in comparison to your friends, your teammates, or your peers on other teams. Because comparing yourself to others is discouraging and self-defeating, and just gets in the way of accomplishing your goals.
Instead, focus on what you can control, which is the effort you’re putting into yourself, and one happy day in the future you will find that you’re more than capable of competing with them anyway.
And if you’re a parent or a coach, share this post with a player who needs to hear this so they can understand why in a world of “get rich quick” schemes it really pays to make a longer-term investment in themselves.
Be Sure to Align Your Expectations with Your Work Ethic
Fall is often the time of year when players get a new start. Maybe they joined a new team that plays at a higher level and has a great track record of success.
Maybe they finally started getting private instruction, or made a decision to try a new instructor who has a strong reputation for turning out champions.
Maybe they hired a trainer to help them get bigger, stronger, faster, and/or more agile than they’ve ever been. Maybe it’s some combination of those things, or even something else we haven’t already named.
Whatever it might be, the fact that they took an action to make a change might just be a sign of better days ahead.
Or it may not be. Because there is one other factor that has to be taken into consideration before any of those other changes take effect: whether your personal work ethic is in line with what you’re hoping to get out of those other changes.
Here’s why that’s so critical.
Let’s say we’re talking about changing teams, whether you joined a new travel team or went through the portal and are now with a new college team. On your previous team you were clearly one of the best players.
Part of the reason for that, though, was that your old team didn’t practice that much, and your teammates didn’t practice on their own. You were more athletic than your teammates – and maybe bigger and stronger – so you just naturally were better.
On this team, though, everyone is at your level athletically (or better), and both they and the team practice more. Suddenly this great team you joined because you wanted to play at a higher level is going to require a lot more work.
If you’re not willing to give up that much of your free time, or you want to still do a whole lot of other things (play other sports, be in a theater group, pursue time-intensive hobbies, etc.), you may have to lower your expectations for what your role will be on this team.
Then there’s getting in with that instructor who you’ve heard so many great things about. You walk in with a lot of anticipation, hoping to catch a little of that magic they seem to be dispensing to others.
After the first couple of lessons, however, you start to wonder when the magic part will come out. Because while your expectations for going to this coach were that you would become a superstar by association, the reality is the actual magic happens in-between the lessons when you work on your own.
And if you’re still more dabbling at it than dedicating yourself to making the changes that coach is asking you to make, you’re not going to see much difference. You will not only need to put in the time, but you’re probably going to have to do things differently than you’re used to doing them – no matter how much you liked doing them your way.
Basically, you’re going to have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a little while, even if the short-term results aren’t as good as they were before. If you’ve made a good decision about your coach, the results will come in time.
The thing people often don’t tell you is that highest performers in any field are dedicated to doing more. Not just in terms of volume, although that is often a factor. But in terms of precision.
They are constantly looking for ideas and adjustments that can help them get better. Even if it’s just 5% better.
And they don’t just try it once and, if it doesn’t help, go back to what they were doing before. They give it an honest chance, through multiple repetitions, constantly looking for feedback to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing.
If it doesn’t, they don’t get disappointed. They simply look at it as learning one more way not to do whatever they’re trying to do so they can stay focused on what does work.
We’ve all heard the saying, “Winners train. Losers complain.” It is so true.
Winners don’t go out expecting to win because they are so great. They expect to win because they know they have put in the effort that will lead them to those wins.
It’s easy to daydream of greatness. We all love to do it.
But if you have ambitions of seeing those daydreams turn into reality, be sure your work ethic is aligned with your expectations. Otherwise, you’re just chasing rainbows.
The Importance of Getting Started
My wife has been on a kick lately where the last person out of the shower is supposed to wipe down the walls, the glass door, and all the chrome. She even bought a special towel to use while doing it.
The idea is to prevent that soap scum or mineral deposits or whatever it is that eventually sticks to everything and makes it look crappy. Good intentions, but it’s kind of a pain to do.
While she was away for a few days I thought, “Oh good, she’s not here so I don’t have to do it.”
But then I thought, ah, it will probably show up on the glass, so I’d better wipe that down at least.
Once i finished with the glass, I thought “Hmmm, maybe I should wipe down the chrome” since that would be easy to do too. And once I did that I figured I might as well do that whole wall.
And then, of course, having gone that far I figured I might as well finish the job. So I ended up wiping down everything anyway.
Why am I sharing this story? Because it shows the importance of getting started.
In softball, there are a lot of things we don’t always feel like doing. Whether it’s practicing certain pitching drills by yourself, hitting off the tee, throwing plyos against a wall, going to the weight room, running a set of sprints, etc., it can be easy to blow those things off. Just like I thought with wiping down the shower walls, who’s going to know if I skip a few days?
The answer is, you will know. It will show up in your lack of progress. And the longer you delay doing something that will be beneficial even if it’s unpleasant or just something you don’t feel like doing, the easier it gets to skip it for another day.
But if you can convince yourself to just get started, or that you’re just going to do a little bit of what you’re supposed to do, there’s a great chance you will end up completing the entire workout.
So if you’re supposed to hit 100 balls off the tee, don’t say it’s time to go hit 100 balls. Make a deal with yourself and say you’re going to hit 10 or 15 and call it day.
Once you’re hit those 10 or 15, you’ll probably think at this point I might as well go for 25, because that feels like a better ending number – 1/4 of the workout. And when you’ve hit 25, you may figure as long as you’re already set up with a bat in your hand you might as well make it 50. And so on until you’ve reached 100.
That’s why just getting started is so important. It’s been said the hardest exercise in a workout program is opening the front door.
Once you’ve taken that step, the rest seems manageable.
If you’re a pitcher and you’ve been assigned to do 50 reps of a wall drill every day to get the feel of your arm path, don’t focus on the 50. Focus on doing the first 10.
Make a deal with yourself that once you’ve done those 10 you can stop and no one will be the wiser. What you’ll probably find is that you start thinking, “I’m already up and it’s not that hard so I might as well just do them all.”
If you’re supposed to go out and run sprints so you can get faster, do the first few to start. You’ll probably find it actually feels good to push yourself (dopamine rush and all) so you’ll want to finish the rest.
Humans are funny that way. Once we start a task we tend to want to complete it.
That’s not just opinion. It’s science.
The Zeigarnik Effect was discovered in 1927. and it basically states that an unfinished task creates a tension that needs to be resolved. When you don’t complete the task, it creates an open loop that preys on your memory, demanding to be finished so you can get relief.
So once you’ve started doing something that has a goal, your brain and body really want to move it to the “completed” section so you can move on. It’s a kind of compulsion.
You may feel a little guilty if you didn’t start at all, but that guiltt is more easily tamped down. But if you did start it, your brain is going to have a strong desire to close that loop, and depending on your personal makeup it may not be able to settle itself until you get that closure.
(For a humorus look at the closure compulsion, check out this clip from The Big Bang Theory.)
So the next time you have work to do and don’t feel like doing it, don’t think about how hard it’s going to be to complete the entire assignment. Instead, make a deal with yourself that you’re just going to do a little of it and let nature take its course.
Before you know it, you’ll find you’re well on your way to doing the entire assign,,,
A 50+ Run Differential Is Not the Brag You Think It Is
Well, here we are, with fall ball tournaments starting up again. Hope y’all enjoyed your two-week break. Now it’s time to get back to business.
And one of the things you can count on with social media posts on Sunday night or Monday morning is the proud parent who can’t wait to tell the world that their daughter’s team went undefeated in their tournament (or round robin) over the weekend, outscoring their opponents by 50, 55, 60, or even more runs.
I get it. They’re happy to feel like they made a great choice during tryout season, and that their daughter is an awesome team with strong players.
But honestly, folks, going 6-0 and putting up a run differential of 50+ isn’t the brag you think it is. Instead, what it means is you probably weren’t in the right tournament.
When was the last time you heard about a team in the Women’s College World Series, or any collegiate tournament for that matter, ripping through the opposition and outscoring them all by that much? Sure, they may have had a double-digit run rule victory on one opponent, but not on everyone they faced.
There’s a reason for that: Because you don’t get better by beating up on weak opponents. You get better by being tested by opponents of equal or better quality. Iron sharpens iron and all of that.
Now, I understand sometimes things happen, especially at the B or C levels. Coaches might be unsure of how good a brand new team will be, so they go into a lower-level tournament to avoid having the type of weekend that leads to a Sunday night filled with parent calls asking questions and offering advice.
But if it turns out your team is actually a lot better than the coaches might have thought, it’s not a time for bragging and boasting. Quietly take the win, then make sure your team will be playing higher-quality opponents next weekend. Even if it means some schedule reshuffling.
Yes, it’s fun to win, but it’s a lot more fun when the opponent is able to challenge you for the win. There’s a much greater sense of satisfaction in it, and again, what you learn on the field by scrapping and clawing your way to victory instead of dominating every game from the outset will serve all the players better down the road should they decide they’d actually like to be (or play on) a more competitive team.
Because let’s face it. I’m pretty sure you could beat a bunch of three year olds in a game of basketball, no matter how bad your skills might be. But would it really be an accomplishment?
So if you find yourself in that situation this fall, take the win with a big heaping helping of salt, and keep the bragging and boasting to a minimum. Then make sure your team is seeking out better competition rather than trophy hunting in the shallow end.
You’ll be a lot more satisfied in the long run.
If You Want Them to Learn, Let Them Struggle
Most people have heard the old saying, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.” But what happens when the man is having trouble learning how to fish?
He’s working at it, but not having much success. In the meantime he’s getting hungry.
What do you do? Take over and catch a fish for him so he doesn’t feel hungry anymore? Or let him continue to struggle until he gets the hang of it?
In my opinion, unless the hunger situation is growing dire, you should probably let him continue to figure it out for himself. Nothing like a little hunger pang to push the learning process along.
It’s the same with fastpitch softball skills – without the hunger part of course. It can be difficult to watch a player – especially one who is your child – struggle to learn a new skill.
We all want to see our kids be successful. We don’t want to see them in distress, or feeling confused, and we certainly don’t want to have them feel like they’re falling behind their peers.
So it’s tempting for a parent to jump in the minute their daughter doesn’t seem to be getting some new concept. It’s tempting for a coach to start firing off instructions after every repetition to try to force the learning process to go faster.
Believe me, I’ve done both of them.
But here’s my sincere advice to you: don’t. Instead, push down those protective instincts and let them struggle to learn whatever it is they’re supposed to learn.
Not because it’s acceptable to be mean to them, but because they will learn whatever it is better.
That’s not just me saying it. Learning experts across the spectrum will tell you that the struggle is a part of the process.
When we struggle to learn something, we have to dive deeper into it, giving us a better understanding of what we’re trying to do. Yes, it may take a little longer, but we will internalize it better, getting us to the unconscious competence state that enables the highest level of performance.
Neuroscience research shows that when learners struggle with a concept or a task, it changes the brain. Neural pathways are strengthened and become faster – a pretty important benefit when you consider the speed of our sport and the complex decision trees that have to be run through in most plays.
When players have to struggle through learning a skill they also tend to learn it at a deeper level, making it more repeatable over the long term.
Think about it this way: If you jump in and try to shortcut the learning process by giving players the answer instead of learning to solve the problem on their own, it may solve the short-term issue of them not being able to perform.
But you’re not exactly going to be able to do that for them when the game is on the line. If they haven’t internalized the solution themselves through their own struggles, they’re unlikely to be able to perform under pressure in the heat of the game.
So does that mean no coaching at all? Of course not. That would be a silly conclusion to come to.
It’s more a matter of once someone explains what needs to be done, give the player time to understand how to accomplish the task within her own frame of reference, and on her own timetable.
Let’s say a player is trying to learn how to field ground balls. The team coach explains how to get down to the ground, how to position the glove, whether to stay back or charge in depending on the speed of the ball, when and how to set her feet, etc.
Then a ground ball is hit to her and she completely whiffs the play, not doing anything the coach said. As a parent should you jump in and try to explain it to your daughter because you know her best?
I would say no, at least if the coach seems to know what he/she is doing. All you’re going to do is become a distraction to the learning process.
As I keep pointing out, kids are not just short adults. Just because something was explained to them doesn’t mean they understand everything that was said.
For the very young, keep in mind they’re not that many years away from when their whole process of learning about the world around them involved sticking it in their mouth.
Instead, give them the opportunity to learn through trial and error. They try something, and it either works or it doesn’t.
If it doesn’t, they move on to try something else. And if they don’t try something else on the next round, hopefully the coach will give them another cue, or type of cue, that will help guide them down the path to discovery.
There’s a place for letting them struggle, and there’s a time to step in.
It’s important to keep in mind too that unless you are the player’s coach as well as parent, you have a different relationship with your daughter than the coach does. She will hear things differently from the coach than she will from you.
Basically, when the coach tells her to do something she will hear guidance. When you say the same thing, she will hear criticism and will be more likely to shut down automatically. That’s a different type of struggle for another day.
At the same time, regardless of the actual volume, your daughter will tend to hear your voice over the coach’s voice because her brain has been tuned to hear you whether she wants to or not. That will ultimately get in the way of her developing a strong player-coach relationship and will likely stunt her softball growth even further.
And if you are both parent and coach, take my advice on this one from personal experience: Have another coach give your daughter the corrections. She’ll take them a whole lot better.
Yes, it can be difficult to watch your daughter struggle to acquire a new skill or improve an old one. But don’t take that struggle as a negative sign – or as something you need to fix for her.
It’s simply a part of the process – an important part of the process. By letting her work through it in her own way, and on her own timeline, she will ultimately learn it better, at a deeper level, and be able to draw upon it when she needs it most.
And she’ll get greater satisfaction from it when it finally does come together.
New Season, New Opportunity, New You.
Welp, the 2025-2026 season is completely behind us now. Hopefully you had a little opportunity to take some time off, do some non-softball things, and generally put some space between what was and what is to be.
Now, as the new season gets under way for many (at least at most levels), there is an important question to be answered: who do you play to be as a player? In other words, do you plan to make this season a continuation of the last one, or are you looking for something more?
If you’re happy with the way last season went you may not have a whole lot of incentive to change things up. It was working well, and while you are always looking to get better it’s more on a straight line from where you were.
There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it makes a lot of sense. No sense jumping off a winning horse in the middle of a race.
But if you weren’t happy with how last season went, this time of year presents a golden opportunity to make next season a better experience. This is true of players, coaches, parents, and even umpires by the way.
Essentially, you don’t have to settle for who you were last season, particularly if you have joined a new team. Instead, you have the opportunity to be whoever you want to be – as long as you’re willing to put in the work to back it up.
For example, suppose you were a .220 hitter, batting toward the bottom of the lineup if you were in the lineup at all. Once you have established that is where you should be, it becomes difficult to climb out of that hole.
The new season, however, resets the clock, especially if you’re with a new team. They won’t know how you struggled before.
They will see you where you are now, and if where you are now is someone who is hitting .345, the new team is far more likely to find a place for you higher up in the batting order – not just in pool play or throwaway games but the games when everything is on the line.
It’s the same all over the field. Give up too many walks or hits (or both) as a pitcher last season? Here’s your opportunity to show you can get three quick outs.
Make too many errors on the field? Here’s your chance to show that you are now a sure-handed fielder with a strong, reliable arm.
The weight of the past has been lifted from you. It’s like removing all the old plastic bottles and other debris (including those old batting gloves that have been fermenting in sweat) that have been accumulating at the bottom of your bat bag since the first time you used it.
It feels lighter and cleaner, making it easier to cart around while helping you get ready for a fresh start. So how do you replace the old you with, well, You 2.0?
It starts with taking some action. If you just sit around hoping this season will go better than the last one, nothing is going to change, because while your thoughts may reveal what you want, your actions are what determine what you get.
Start by changing your mindset or your attitude. Instead of being mad or sad that you don’t have what other people have, start figuring out what you need to DO to get what they have, then start doing it.
It might be practicing more – or at all. If you’re a fielder who wants to make fewer errors, find someone who will hit or even toss you lots of ground balls, fly balls, whatever you need to work on.
If you can’t find anyone to help, bounce a rubber ball off a concrete wall. Don’t let what you can’t find limit you; instead, be creative in order to get what you want.
If there are skills you need that you can’t acquire on your own, get lessons from a qualified instructor. If you can’t afford a qualified instructor, ask a team coach for extra help.
Working with a team coach will not only help you with those specific skills. It will also help build a relationship between you and the coach that will make them a little more inclined to select you when decision time comes.
If you can’t find a coach, look up videos on YouTube or other sources, and then video yourself performing the skill to see if what you’re doing looks like what you’re supposed to be doing. A word of caution though: there are a lot of bad drills and incorrect techniques being taught online, especially on social media sites such as Tik Tok and Instagram, so be careful whose advice you follow.
Once you’re on the field in a team setting, make sure You 2.0 acts the way you want coaches and fans to perceive you. Act confident, even if you don’t feel confident, and be aggressive rather than tentative, even if you’re unsure of yourself.
People in general respond to confidence, and are much less willing to assume a bad play is how you play normally. And the funny thing is if you fake that confidence in the beginning, you’ll probably gain it as you go along, growing into the player you want to be perceived as being. You’ll have more fun that way too.
The bottom line is you don’t have to be stuck with who you were before. If you’re on a new team you have the opportunity to be whoever you want through your action, your attitudes, and your overall approach.
Even if you’re on the same team, however, a change in performance, a change in approach and a change in attitude will be noticeable. While you will have to overcome some old assumptions about you, there’s no better time to start changing those assumptions than when everything feels fresh and new again, and your team is looking 100% ahead.
Take advantage of the new season to build a new you, or at least You 2.0, and you’ll be much more likely to enjoy the outcome.
The Three Basic Types of Players – Which One Are You?
Today’s post comes from another lesson by Dr. Rob Gilbert, sports psychology professor at Montclair State University in New Jersey. If you’re not already doing it I suggest you call his Success Hotline – (973-743-4690 – where he provides a daily message about how to become a high performer, and listen to his Success Hotline podcast, which is a collection of older messages.
You can also check out this interview that Jay Bolden and I did for the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast a couple of months ago. You’ll thank me if you do it.
In any case, Dr. Gilbert talked about how there are essentially three types of players in the world: those who are Serious/Serious, those who are Serious/Fun, and those who are Fun/Fun. If you’re a player, which type you are can have a huge impact on how successful you are .
Fortunately this isn’t like Motor Preferences, which are baked in at birth; you can change which type you are at any time if you’re willing to do so. Before we look at each type, though, see if you can guess which one has the best chance of being successful.
Got it? Good. Let’s dig in.
Serious/Serious
This type of player is all business all the time. She never smiles, never gets into goofing around with her teammates, never takes a minute in the dugout to just enjoy the moment.
She is there to do a job, and by golly she’s not going to let anything distract her. Honestly, a lot of coaches, especially newly minted ones, fall into this category too.
This type of player is never going to be satisfied or happy with her performance because there’s always something to improve on, always something she could do or could have done better. While that might sound like dedication, it can also lead to frustration and depression because nothing is ever good enough.
She’s also probably going to be a bit lonely in a team setting because nobody will want to be around here. She may excel, but she’ll never enjoy it.
Fun/Fun
We’ve probably all known someone like this. Unlike the Serious/Serious player, this one is a lot of fun to be around because she’s like a walking birthday party (without the cake).
Nothing ever gets her down. If she makes a mistake she legit laughs it off because really, who cares? It’s just a game.
The problem here is much of the time she can’t focus enough to be a strong contributor. There are times when you need to have your head in the game and be distraction-free so you can perform well and the team can continue to win.
But this player is too busy having a good time to notice. Which means you can’t really count on her to perform when you need her most.
Maybe she’ll get lucky and make the play or get the hit anyway. But do you really want to count on luck?
You might think well, at least she’s good to have on the bench to keep the team “up.” This is true up until the point her antics become a distraction. Then it can be a detriment.
Serious/Fun
This player combines the best of the other two without the obvious downsides. She takes her game seriously, and works hard to be the best she can be.
Like the Serious/Serious player she will likely take extra reps when she can, will work on the little nuances that can help her improve her game, and will be able to bring a laser focus when it’s needed.
Yet like the Fun/Fun player she doesn’t take a “life or death” approach. She still knows it’s a game, and while she may take a critical loss hard, she will also be able to let it go after feeling what she needs to feel.
She will also have an appreciation for the fact that she gets to play this beautiful game regardless of the outcome, and that she gets to become friends with people she might never have met or hung out with otherwise.
Essentially, her approach is balanced, and she can move between being serious and fun as appropriate, allowing her to become not just the best player she can be, but the best human being she can be.
The Big Question
So there you have it – the three basic types of players. Now the question is which type are you? And which type do you want to be?
From my (and Dr. Gilbert’s, by the way) point of view, the optimal is Serious/Fun. You want that balance that we talked about so you don’t get too down on yourself when things don’t go your way, and you don’t let distractions keep you from developing yourself into the player you’re meant to be.
If you’re in the Serious/Serious category, try to find someone who is more Serious/Fun and perhaps adopt them as a role model. If you have direct access to them (a teammate, a friend, etc.) ask them how they manage to find the fun even when they’re being serious. Their answer might surprise you.
If not, look for a famous player, maybe even in a different sport, and see what they do to lighten themselves up. If they’re a high-performer you can be sure they’re serious at least some of, if not most, of the time.
Read about them, look for YouTube or podcast interviews, and see what they have to say. I’ll bet you’ll find some who used to be Serious/Serious but learned how to lighten up along the way.
They don’t have to be from your sport, or even sports at all for that matter. They could be actors, or business people, or doctors/nurses, or from any other profession. Every type of job has its challenges; learning how others keep those challenges in perspective just might help you with yours.
If you’re Fun/Fun on the other hand, you have to make sure you’re playing at the right level. Even if you have the physical ability, you’re probably not going to be that happy on a super-serious A level travel team or a Division 1 college team.
So you have a choice: you can either make a decision to take your softball more seriously and put in the work required to improve your focus and mental game, or find a team with like-minded players and coaches. You may not win a lot, but if you’re a true Fun/Fun that probably won’t matter as much. Just getting out and playing will be good enough for you.
This is not a question of right and wrong. It’s more of what’s right and wrong for you.
Figure out which type you are, and whether that’s the type you want to be. If it is, run with it.
But if it’s not, put in the work to become the player you want to be and you’ll be more satisfied with your experience in the end.
Greatness Starts with Polishing the Forks
The Hulu TV show The Bear just concluded its five-season run. While I get that it’s not for everyone (my wife for example), I thoroughly enjoyed the show and am sorry there will be no more episodes.
Since this isn’t a pop culture blog you’re probably wondering why I’m talking about some random show. The answer is fastpitch softball players (and their parents) can learn an important lesson from what I think is one of its best episodes.
The premise in the second season is that Carmen, a high-end chef as well as the youngest brother in a family that owns a Chicago-style sandwich shop called The Original Beef, wants to create a new high-end restaurant as an offshoot of the sandwich place. As part of that, he has to get one of the employees on board.
He has known this employee, Richie, since childhood. In fact, they call each other “cousin” (although they’re not actually cousins because that’s how close they are). Richie has been managing the sandwich shop since the older brother’s unexpected death, and he’s not too keen on the changes Carmen is making. A lot of detail, I know, but bear with me (no pun intended).
Richie argues with Carmen all the time about the way he’s doing things. But Carmen is the boss, so at one point he sends Richie to go work at a local high-end restaurant owned by a friend of his that is recognized internationally as the world’s best restaurant. Needless to say Richie is not happy about it, but he goes, reluctantly.
On his first day he walks in expecting to be given something important to do. I mean, after all, he’s been running his own successful sandwich shop.
Instead, he’s assigned to polish forks. For nine hours. That’s it, just polish forks.
At one point he asks the manager who has been assigned to oversee him what comes after polishing forks, expecting the next step will be something more at his perceived level. The manager drily replies “spoons.”
Richie is convinced Carmen sent him on this assignment to punish him for disagreeing with him, and his bad attitude continues to get worse. He does a half-baked job of polishing some of the forks and he’s told to do it again to remove the streaks. Richie asks what difference does it make, and he’s told in this restaurant a lot.
Because people don’t come there just for the food. They come for the experience. The restaurant is very expensive, and some people save money for a year just to be able to afford to eat there once.
At one point after more complaining the manager asks Richie to step outside, and Richie says “You’ve really drunk the Kool-Aid here. Why?” The manager tells him why, and from that point on Richie’s attitude totally changes and he launches on the best redemption arc in the entire series. In my opinion. From that point on he buys in to what Carmen is doing with The Bear more than anyone else, even Carmen, and it totally changes his own life.
If you’re still with me, the lesson here is how important doing the little things (like polishing the forks) is within the bigger picture.
All too often players want to skip the drills and working on the nuances of particular movements and go right to the finished skills.
Pitchers want to throw full pitches, not work from the K position or on spins close-up. Hitters want to hit off machines or live pitchers instead of doing one-hand drills off the tee or working on specific elements of their swings.
Fielders want to take ground balls or fly balls off the bat instead of working on their glove work or on positioning from a toss. And so on.
To be the best you can be, you have to realize every detail of what you’re doing matters. A one-degree difference in throwing angle on a riseball can make the difference between a swing and a miss and a walk – or a home run.
A one-degree drop of the bat or reduction of the angle as it’s approaching the ball can make the difference between that home run and just a dramatic fly ball out. A slight rearrangement of the feet when throwing across the infield under pressure can mean the difference between an inning-ending out or a game-deflating two-base error.
To do any of that or a thousand other things that are required for success in fastpitch softball you can’t just take them for granted. You have to work on them. Every. Single. Day.
Yes, “polishing the forks” can be mind-numbingly boring. It can make you wonder who’s going to notice, and it can make you feel like you’re falling behind on learning all the fancier skills your peers are telling you they are learning
But trust me, nothing is more important than perfecting these little details to the best of your ability. They are the foundation of everything else that is to come.
If your foundation is shaky, it doesn’t matter how fancy the rest of the building is. It’s not going to be built to last, especially when the pressure is on.
Breaking things down this way isn’t a punishment, Like polishing the forks, it’s the start of a path to enlightenment that will help you learn and grow and ultimately excel.
So the next time you’re given something basic to do, don’t feel bad or angry about it. Don’t complain about how you’re past this, or you deserve better, or your coach hates you.
Carmen sent Richie to the other restaurant not because he was mad at him, but because he saw something special in Richie that even Richie himself couldn’t see. And Carmen wanted to help Richie get out of his own way so he could fulfill that destiny.
Carmen was also smart enough to know Richie would never learn that lesson directly from him. He needed to hear it, and see it, and experience it through someone else.
So the next time you’re told to “polish the forks,” don’t see it as a punishment or a failure. See it for what it is – an opportunity to rise above where you are now and chase after greatness.
You just may surprise yourself.
6 Things to Know Before Starting Lessons
It sounds good in theory. You want to see your daughter succeed in this difficult game called fastpitch softball, so you decide to hire a private instructor to help her with her hitting, pitching, catching, fielding, strength and conditioning, speed and agility, or whatever other capability with which she needs help.
And in a way you’re right. Good, quality private instruction can definitely shortcut the learning process and help your daughter reach her goals faster, whatever they may be.
Notice, though, that I said “help.” Because there’s more to lessons than finding out who other good or great players go to, arranging a time to get together, and paying a fee.
Following are a few things you should know and/or understand before you take the plunge on lessons.
#1 – They Ain’t Magic
I am often struck by the number of people who think a private instructor is going to wave some sort of magic wand as if they are Headmaster Dumbledore from Harry Potter and magically, instantly turn your daughter into a great player. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes a good instructor can help a girl who has great ability overcome a temporary struggle and show immediate improvement. Usually, though, that’s more along the lines of “getting her back to where she was” rather than achieving some never-before-seen level.
So if your expectation is that doing a few lessons is going to take your daughter from benchwarmer to superstar, or pool play only to top of the lineup, you are going to be really, really disappointed. The reality is…
#2 – Improvement Takes Time
Not just a little time. Often lots and lots of time.
How much depends on the athlete, the skill she is trying to learn, how hard she works at it (more on that in a bit) how willing she is to change/get out of her comfort zone, how ingrained the techniques she’s currently using are, and any physical, mental, or emotional limitations that may be getting in the way.
For example, if your daughter has a badly sprained ankle or is recovering from ACL surgery, she’s probably not going to be able to put a lot of weight on that leg. So expecting her to add a few miles an hour to her pitch speed is probably not going to happen in a couple or even a handful of weeks.
She will first have to get back into shape, and she will have to build confidence that her ankle, knee, etc. can take the impact a strong leg drive creates. Not all of that is conscious, either.
In the book The Body Keeps the Score, the author talks about how the human body copes with various traumas and especially how the central nervous system’s priority is protection, not performance. There could be all kinds of things going on under the hood, so to speak, that are going to prevent your daughter from driving harder even if she intends to.
It takes time to work through all of that. It also takes time to replace old habits with new ones.
Some adapt easier than others, but it’s not like flipping a switch. And the longer she’s been doing things a certain way, the longer it’s going to take to rewrite that programing with new programming.
It could take a couple of weeks. It could take a few months. It could take a year or more. You never really know until you get started.
But if you trust the process, the improvement will come in its own time.
#3 – A Lot of It Is Boring
In my experience there are a lot of people who think that going to a lesson means executing the full skill while an instructor tweaks it.
Yes, that’s a part of the process. But the bulk of the time is going to be spent working on pieces of the process in a sequence that makes sense until your daughter gets each one in good working order. Not perfect, necessarily, but close enough to make it worthwhile to move on to the next piece of the puzzle.
Unfortunately, not every kid is good at handling that sort of work. Some, especially at the younger ages, think it’s boring and just want to throw pitches, or hit balls off pitchers, or do whatever.
As my friend Eric Egmer of CC Baseball says, you have to “embrace the boredom.” Whether or not you subscribe to the concept of 10,000 repetitions to master a skill, It definitely takes a lot. Over and over and over, each one of them done mindfully to ensure they are taking your toward your goal instead of away from it.
Kids who don’t have the patience or attention span for that kind of work are not going to do well with lessons. Some may shut down entirely, making the experience unpleasant for everyone.
So go into it with your eyes open. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time and money.
#4 – Improvement Is Mostly on the Player, Not the Coach
This is actually a two-way street. Most great coaches will tell you that when a player succeeds, 90% of the credit goes to her. The coach can really only claim 10% at best.
The late, great Bill Hillhouse definitely felt that way. When Jay Bolden and I spoke to him on the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast he flat-out stated what Jay and I always say: we teach all our students the same things, but we get varying results.
That’s a pretty big statement given that one of his students, a young lady you may have heard of named Teagan Kavan, has won back-to-back Women’s College World Series championships with her Texas team.
I always tell my students the most important part of the process isn’t the time they spend with me. It’s what they do in-between visits to me that will determine how good they get and how quickly they get there.
Put in a little effort you might get a little improvement. Put in a lot of effort and you’ll see much greater improvement.
Nobody in my experience gets better just doing lessons once a week and nothing else. And even improvements that are made in lessons go away quickly if your daughter is not putting in the work to solidify what she’s learned.
If your daughter isn’t willing to work at least 2-3 days a week outside of lessons again you’re probably wasting your time and money. But if she is eager to put in the work, that investment will pay off big time.
#5 – Quality of Instruction Can Vary Greatly
I’m not sure how many people realize this but there are absolutely no requirements preventing anyone who wants to hang out a shingle and call themselves an instructor from doing so. None.
So you can get experts, semi-qualified people, folks who are just in it to make a buck, former or current high school or college players who may or may not have any idea of what they do when they play, and so on. A real potpourri of possibilities.
If you want to make sure your daughter is taught well, it’s up to you to do some research. Ask around to see who others are using.
Check out the instructor’s website or other online presences. Try to learn at least a little bit about what your daughter should be learning to help you find a coach that teaches that.
It’s definitely a case of caveat emptor – let the buyer beware. You may get lucky without the research – but why take a chance?
#6 – Not Every Instructor Is a Fit for Every Student
Even if you do a great job and find a highly qualified instructor, that doesn’t mean he or she will be a good fit for your daughter.
Just like anything else there are different personalities and different teaching styles. I know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea (hard to believe, I know, but it’s true!).
You want to find someone your daughter is comfortable learning from. Personally, I would prioritize knowledge and expertise first, with compatibility a close second, because no matter how good a fit the instructor is, if he/she doesn’t know what they’re doing the point is kind of moot.
But if it’s not a good fit, find someone else who is also knowledgeable. Presumably your daughter will be spending a lot of time with that coach; it will help if she looks forward to the experience.
Final Thoughts
Lessons can be a big investment. They can also be a big gamble since there is no governing body or tests that are required in order to offer instruction like there are in many other countries (Canada and the UK for sure).
If you decide to pursue them, be sure to go into it with your eyes wide open to make sure both you and your daughter get what you expect our of them.
The Pitcher Who Threw the Golden Softball
Why high performers don’t always perform at a high level by the end of the season.
Stop me if you’ve seen this scenario before. You have a pitcher who has been performing at a high level from the beginning of the spring (or high school) season all the way through the summer.
Yet now, as you’re getting to the most important part of the year, i.e., those big 4th of July tournaments and the Whatever Nationals, she’s suddenly starting to struggle. The speed is a little down, but worse the pinpoint accuracy she used to display has gone away, replaced with pitches in the dirt, over the catcher’s head, and/or wide of the plate.
Her movement pitches have lost their sharp movement, her knee-buckling changeup looks more like an easier-to-hit version of her fastball, and all the while her Ks are going down as her Ws are going up.
You wonder how could this be happening? What could have caused Ms. Ace to be replaced by someone who looks like her but definitely doesn’t throw like her?
There could be a few causes, but one that few people think about (or are willing to admit) is just plain fatigue. She’s still giving all the effort she always has, but at this point there’s not a whole lot left in the tank.
It’s a lot like the fable of the goose who laid the golden egg. Let’s take a high schooler because it’s the most extreme example.
For those who play in the spring, high school softball probably started sometime in February or at the latest the beginning or March. During that time she either pitched bullpens or in games six days a week for at least three months, possibly more if her team did well in the state tournament.
Her high school coach may have tried to split the work between Ms. Ace and one or two others, but let’s face it: everybody loves to win. So if Ms. Ace was the most reliable path to winning, her innings started to increase as the season wore on.
Once it got to conference championships and the State playoffs, the workload increased even more. She probably threw every inning of every game – even the ones that went 12 or more innings – because at that point if you lose you’re done, and no one wants to be done if they don’t have to be.
She may have been hurting, or tired, or feeling like her arm was going to fall off or her legs had turned into Jell-O, but she sucked it up and pitched anyway in a valiant effort to attain glory for the school with a State championship.
Then one way or the other the high school season finished. And did she get a chance to rest?
Nope. She no sooner turned in her high school uniform than she was putting on her travel team uniform. Heck, she might have done that in the locker room at her school.
And then came the grind of the summer. She probably got some breaks early on, as the coach split the time between different pitchers.
In the meantime, the summer got hotter and more humid. Those turf fields that make it easier to get in games when the weather is colder and wetter have suddenly turned into a hot box from a WWII movie, with temperatures running anywhere from 100 degrees to 130 or more (or so I’ve been told; never measured it myself).
And just about the time the hot weather really set in, the tournaments got more serious. Again, the situation started turning into win or go home on a big stage, and Ms. Ace was called upon more and more to lead the team to victory, keep the team in games until the offense catches up, or close out a close game by pitching another inning or two.
Throw in a college camp or a showcase event where she’s trying to look her best for her dream school, or any qualifying school for that matter, and/or maybe a tryout for next year here or there, and it’s a lot. Especially when the schedule doesn’t allow for any days off.
You see where this is headed. All that work all that practice, all that heat, all that everything begins to take a toll Not just physically but mentally.
Even if Ms. Ace is feeling ok physically, she may be mentally exhausted after putting so much energy into softball-critical situations, game after game, weekend after weekend.
At some point she’s like that mobile phone that you keep throwing on the charger when the battery indicator shows red and taking off as soon as the low battery goes off. She may have a little more energy than she did, but it’s really not enough to carry the team like she could a few weeks – or a few months – ago.
And that, my friends, is why her performance may be suffering a bit at the end of the season. It’s not that her mechanics are off, or that she’s not trying, or that she’s forgotten how to pitch.
She just may be exhausted and running on fumes, still doing all she can to help the team win, even if she’s no longer at her best.
So don’t be too quick to hit the panic button if Ms. Ace isn’t quite looking like herself. With a little rest, even if it’s just a couple of days in a row off, she’ll power back up, and before you know it she’ll be kicking butt and taking names again.
Hopefully in time for a nice run at Nationals.
