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What Seems Bad Today May Look Like a Blessing Tomorrow
We often talk about how softball is a game of failure and disappointment. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control – not making a preferred team, giving up a home run or striking out in a key situation, losing a game that knocks you out of the playoff, having a bad game when a college coach comes out to see you, and so forth.
At the time it seems devastating – like your (or your daughter’s) whole future just came crashing down around you. That’s when it’s good to remember the story of the Zen master and the little boy, which I fully admit I am stealing from the movie Charlie Wilson’s War because that’s how big of a nerd I am.
Anyway, the story goes like this:
There’s a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse… and everybody in the village says, “how wonderful. The boy got a horse” And the Zen master says, “we’ll see.” Two years later, the boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everyone in the village says, “How terrible.” And the Zen master says, “We’ll see.” Then, a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight… except the boy can’t cause his legs all messed up. and everybody in the village says, “How wonderful.” To which the Zen master says, “we’ll see.” And so it goes.
The point is, sometimes in softball, as in life, things seem really important in the moment, and if the moment goes wrong it’s easy to think it’s the end of the world. Yet anyone who has been around for a while like I have (quite a while in my case) can tell you, the universe tends to unfold as it should. (I got that one from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle since I’m on a movie kick, but it’s been around since well before that.)
Us old folks can also tell you that sometimes not having things work out the way you were hoping in the moment turns out to be the best thing that could have happened to you. Let’s take making that team that was so important to you for example.
We can actually look at it two ways. Did you ever hope to make a team, actually have it happen, then find out once you’re there the coaching or the players were actually pretty toxic?
If not, consider yourself lucky. For those who experienced it, it can be pretty devastating – much worse than the temporary pain of not making the team. If it’s really intolerable you may find you need to move to another team which doesn’t have the prestige or the connections of the current team.
Yet as the Zen master said, we’ll see. Having to move to a lesser team may put you in position to gain more opportunities than you would have otherwise, helping you improve your game, and ultimately being ready when a college coach happens to catch your game. None of that would have happened had everything worked out on the first team.
On the other hand, by not making that first team you will be forced to find another, where you may meet a coach who changes your life. That wouldn’t have happened if you had gotten what you wanted in the moment.
Not making the team? How terrible. We’ll see.
What about striking out or giving up a home run in a big game? Certainly that can’t be good, can it?
Not in the moment. But what if there was a college coach there trying to decide between you and another player who has slightly better stats before offering a scholarship?
The coach saw the other player throw a helmet and sulk after striking out, or lose her cool and sulk after getting pulled from a game following having a home run hit off of her.
But when you did one of those things, you picked yourself up and were on the fence cheering for your teammates (or in the case of the pitcher your replacement). The college coach learned something about you that tipped the scales in your favor after a seemingly bad thing happened.
If you had instead gotten the hit or the out your offer might have gone to the other player based on the numbers. But because you had the opportunity to display character and took advantage of it the offer came your way instead.
(Incidentally, don’t think that wouldn’t happen in real life. On the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast Jay Bolden and I have talked to college coaches who made offers in exactly those circumstances.)
It’s kind of like the timeline in time travel movies (there I go again). One little event happens, whether positive and negative, and it sends the timeline in a slightly different direction.
And that slight difference sets you on a path that ultimately ends up being better for you in the long run.
One more non-softball example. Most people experience a bad breakup with someone they love at one time or another. At the time, it can feel like the end of the world; how will you ever live without that person in your life?
Eventually, though, you meet someone who is just flat-out better for you. They want the same things, they share the same values, they just feel “right.”
You may never have met the love of your life had you still been with the person who broke your heart. Again, while sad and painful in the moment, losing that other person set you on a path toward greater happiness than you ever thought you’d have.
So whatever disappointments or heartaches or frustrations you may be facing right now, remember the words of my great friend Tim Boivin. Whenever we faced a tough situation at work, he would always remind us that this too shall pass.
And so it is with softball. It’s very possible that the event or circumstance that is causing you so much heartache today could be the catalyst toward a future that is everything you hoped it would be.
Just be sure to remember the wise words of the Zen master as you’re celebrating your good fortune: We’ll see.
BONUS: For two lesser-known but really good movies which explore these themes, check out Mr. Destiny starring Jim Belushi (believe it or not) and Linda Hamilton, which explores how his life would have changed had he not struck out in the game for the state title, and The Adjustment Bureau starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt, which takes a much more serious look at “angels” trying to keep a predetermined timeline on track against the free wills of the protagonists.
Main photo by Bryce Carithers on Pexels.com
Person First. Student Second. Player Third.
Today’s post was actually written by my partner in podcasting Coach Jay Bolden of Be Bold Fastpitch LLC. As many of you know Jay and i do the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast, where we interview coaches and talk amongst ourselves about all sorts of fastpitch softball and general coaching topics.
You can find it on all your favorite podcast platforms, including Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Ok, commercial over.
A couple of days ago, though, I saw Jay put up a great post on his Be Bold Fastpitch LLC Facebook page, talking about how he approaches working with his students. It was very heartfelt and great advice for all of us to remember so I asked him if I could reprint it here. He, of course, is a great guy so he said yes.
So here’s what he had to say on the topic. He has a lot of great content like this so I highly recommend that if you are on Facebook you give him a follow. And if you’re not, get on Facebook and then follow him. It will be well worth it.
Without further ado, here’s the post:
Let me say this loud and clear…
Person first. Student second. Player third.
Somewhere along the way, youth sports flipped that order — and we’re seeing the damage every single day. Kids tied up in performance anxiety. Kids terrified to make a mistake. Kids who think their value comes from stat sheets, exit velos, strike percentages, and trophy photos.
That’s on us as adults.
If a kid thinks her worth depends on how she plays on Saturday, then we failed long before the first pitch.
Because softball is a chapter in her life — not her entire identity.
Before I care about her curveball, her batting average, or where she hits in the lineup… I care about what kind of person she’s becoming.
Is she kind? Coachable? Honest? Does she show up for others?
That matters more than any tournament ring.
Then comes the student.
Grades, habits, responsibility, learning how to manage real life — those are the things that carry her long after her last at-bat.
Player is last on purpose.
Not because the game doesn’t matter — it does.
But because the game is the platform, not the identity.
We’re not just coaching softball.
We’re developing strong, confident young women who can handle life.
Person first.
Student second.
Player third.
And when we get that right?
The softball takes care of itself.
Train Hard. Play Bold. Chase Greatness.
It Always Helps to Have Perspective
One of the things I often tell players on their development journey is that yesterday’s achievements eventually become today’s disappointments.
For example, when a player first comes for hitting lessons she may be striking out all the time. Which means her goal is to not strike out so often, i.e., hit the ball instead.
She works hard and starts hitting regularly. Then she has a streak where she hits the ball but right at someone and she’s out every time.
She is still achieving the original goal – not striking out – but the goalposts for her expectations have moved and now anything less than a hit is a disappointment.
Probably the easiest place to see it, however, is with speed measurements for pitchers. Everyone always wants to get faster. I’m sure Monica Abbott, who I believe still throws the hardest out of all female players, would still love to add an mph or two if she could.
So pitchers work hard to achieve a new personal record. Then another. Then another, etc.
After a while, though, that first personal record she got so excited about is now a disappointment and perhaps even feels like a step backwards.
That’s why it helps to keep some perspective on the longer journey instead of just the next step.
That idea came home to roost last night when I was giving a lesson to a student (Gianna) who hasn’t been to lessons in a couple of weeks due to a volleyball-related thumb injury. (Don’t even get me started on how volleyball injuries impact softball players!)
Now, as you know the thumb is pretty important for gripping things like softballs. In fact, the opposable thumb is one of the key advantages that separates humans and other primates from most of the rest of the animal kingdom.
Gianna’s thumb had swollen up pretty badly and for the last couple of weeks she’d had trouble gripping anything. The swelling had finally gone down, and with a tournament coming up and her team already short a couple of other pitchers due to volleyball injuries (grrrr) she wanted to do all she could to help them.
So with her thumb stabilized and a bandage that wrapped around her wrist she decided to give it a go to see if she could pitch this weekend.
The short answer was yes, she could. But her speed was a little down from where it normally is. That’s ok, though, she was able to do it without pain (so she said) and to throw all her pitches.
Later on when I thought about the speed being down I had an epiphany.
You see, a year ago Gianna was struggling with some mechanical issues that were preventing her from getting the type of whip and pronation that would bring her speed up. She was working very hard to correct them but once those bad mechanics have set in the habits they create can be tough to break.
(One more piece of evidence that saying “Start with hello elbow and you can change later” is bad, bad advice.)
As I thought about it I realized that had she been throwing the speed she was averaging last night at this time last year, she would have been very excited and gone home on cloud nine. Because it was about 3 mph higher (whereas now it was 2-3 mph slower).
And that’s the point. Sometimes in our quest to get to “the next level” we sometimes forget to take a minute and look at how far we’ve come.
Keeping that longer-term perspective can help you stay positive when you hit the inevitable plateau and keep you going until you reach your next achievement.
Send A Letter to Your Future Self
A couple of weeks ago, as I was preparing for my annual battle with putting Christmas lights on the roof of my house, I came across the note pictured above. It was a message from myself last spring, when I took the lights down, alerting me to a potential issue with some of the strings.
(By the way, a tip of the Hatlo Hat to the TV show How I Met Your Mother for the whole Future Ken/Past Ken thing.)
I had completely forgotten the lights had fallen off the roof (better them than me!), so I was glad I’d done it. I was also quite amused by the whole concept.
Then last week at the NFCA convention I heard a speaker talk about how players should do the exact same thing prior to their season, to be opened at the end. In her case it was to be opened upon winning an NCAA D1 championship (which didn’t happen), but the concept is still a good one.
For players who are serious about their game, what better way is there to end a season than to look at the perspective of their (slightly) younger selves to see how it matched up to reality?
Here’s the idea. Before the season, the player sits down and imagines what the season will be like. Not just the quantifiable goals, but maybe how things went, what the experience was like, what they accomplished, what they liked and disliked, etc.
It should be a personal letter from Past (Player) to Future (Player). It could include encouragement, consolation, congratulations or whatever the player happens to be feeling at the time.
Then seal it up and put it away, not to be opened until after the season. Now that they player has gone through the entire season experience, she can compare what she thought would happen, and how she thought she’d feel, to what actually happened.
An exercise like this can help put things into perspective. For example, if the player is on the fence about whether to stay with this team or look for another, she can compare what her expectations were to what actually happened.
If she had a tough season, she can look back on how hard she expected to work and compare that to how hard she actually worked. If she was feeling awkward around new teammates in the beginning, she can compare that to how she feels about her teammates now. Maybe she made some great new friends and is just grateful to have been part of such an awesome group.
There are so many things to be gained from this exercise. If you’re a parent, try having your favorite player do it. If you’re a coach, have your team do it and hold the envelopes until the end of the season banquet/party.
By the way, this isn’t just for players. Coaches can do the same exercise as well.
I’ve had great seasons where you hated to see them end, and I’ve had seasons where it all couldn’t end soon enough. If nothing else it would have been fun to see how my earlier self viewed what was coming and whether it matched up to what actually occurred.
In our hyper-fast world we tend to only look at what’s right in front of us. In doing so we miss the benefits of a longer-term view.
By taking the time to write out this letter to their future selves, players and coaches can gain a longer-term view, and perhaps use that to change their next future.
So what do you think of this idea? Have you ever tried it? If so, how did it turn out? Leave your experiences below in the comments.
Life in the Fastpitch Lane 