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Time to set a good example for our kids

If it's really for the kids, you need to set a good example as a coach or parent.

This is a topic I have written about often, but it bears repeating. Especially when it’s stated so well. We often talk about how softball (or any sport) is “for the kids.” But many times our actions don’t match our words, and it becomes clear it’s more about the coach and his/her record than the players. As this guest post points out, maybe it’s time to re-think how we conduct ourselves and become the people we’d like to see our players become. Oh, and if you’re anywhere near the Flower Mound, Texas area, be sure to check into lessons with him. – Ken

Guest post by Dana E. Maggs, Excel Hitting and Pitching Coach Dana E. Maggs

What kind of example are we setting for our kids? It is a question I have to ask myself often now.

As a coach I hear stories almost every week of a coach or parent losing their temper at a game. I hear stories of HS coaches heaping mental abuse on players, just to drive them off the team. With multiple complaints from parents. Yet the administration continues to ignore the parents. Protecting the coach.

I hear stories of recreational coaches screaming at umpires and walking off the field flipping them off as they get tossed.

I could keep going but the bottom line here is where is the accountability from those who are responsible for stopping this kind of behavior? Not only are they driving kids from a game they love but they are also setting a poor example of how to act like an adult.

We see those same kinds of examples now at the professional level. Just last night a Boston basketball player flipped off a fan at a game. I am sure his wallet will be much lighter for that action. So he will be held accountable for it.

But at the HS, Rec, and Select baseball and softball level there seems to be a lack of accountability from the governing organizations. There is NO excuse for this kind of behavior in my opinion.

Far too often I have had new students who have come to me with their confidence broken and their self esteem torn to shreds because of a coach or an overbearing parent. Do not be that parent. Do not be that coach.

A lot of this comes from a “compete and win at all costs” attitude. It’s not just in sport. Its now in everything you and your kids do in life. And when this happens all sense of responsibility disappears from the coaches and in some cases the parents as well.

Why are we putting so much pressure on them to win? You don’t go into the work place as an adult without training and development. You don’t progress without practice and development in sport.

Ultimately, if done correctly, you will win your fair share of games without putting pressure on the kids every time they step on the field of play. Regardless of the game they choose.

This kind of pressure often manifests itself on the child in ways that will affect them for life. Not just in their performance.

I see it in their body language. I see it in their attitude. I see it in their fear of making a mistake and them waiting to hear a negative comment from an adult.

I sometimes have to cross that line myself as an instructor. But how you go about it is the key to being that coach who wants you to understand that failure is how we learn to improve and get better.

Shouting and screaming at them will not do it. These kinds of behaviors by adults should result in immediate dismissal of the coach or banning parents from attending games based on behavior.

There needs to be a lot more accountability at every level of youth sports now. Not on the kids but on the adults. Sadly, it’s the kids who often pay the price and as a result leave the game they once loved to play.

5 Tips for dealing with difficult parents as a youth softball coach

In the mockumentary All Stars, at one point the frustrated coach of a girls 10U fastpitch softball team tells his wife “The ideal team is one where all the parents are dead.” While that may be a bit extreme, it can be challenging for youth coaches – especially volunteer coaches – to deal with parents. In this guest post, writer Jessica Kane of SteelLocker Sports offers some advice on how coaches can deal with parents more successfully. Dealing with parents is an important aspect of youth softball coaching

In this day in age, fastpitch softball and other youth sports coaches struggle with so many different components that are not necessarily associated with the game. Emotional health of their athletes, physical health and abilities of their athletes, but most of all, parent interactions. Generally speaking, these youth coaches are volunteers who are also likely parents of a child on the team themselves who have minimal formal coach training and are trying to give the athletes the best experience they can. Here are a few tips for dealing with difficult parents.

1. Ask the parents what they want.

More often than not, these coaches are volunteer parents who are out there to pass on knowledge of past playing greatness they once had. As a result, most of these coaches have other professions and are not there to be a sounding board for the parent group. They are there for the kids first and foremost. When interacting with parents, it is essential that coaches establish quickly what the issue is and what the parent hopes to get out of the discussion. Setting boundaries about what coaches will and will not discuss with parents helps guide both parties during conversations. Asking the question, “what is it that you want to see as a result of this conversation?” helps establish an end goal and thus creates a working platform for both parties.

2. Let the kids speak for themselves.

It is important for athletes to learn life skills. Having a conversation with an authority figure (who is not their parent) allows for young athletes to practice many skills they will use throughout life. If a player is unhappy about their playing time, it is crucial to allow them to attempt to communicate with their coach first before parent involvement. Encourage the athlete to discuss their concern about play time, team dynamics, injuries, timing, etc. with their coach independently first so they can practice asking questions and listening and responding appropriately to questions, developing trust between coach and athlete, dealing with disappointment appropriately, and other extremely valuable life skills.

3. Trust the coach to know the sport.

Coaches now are heavily screened and required to know the rules of the game and what that means for their athletes. Trust the coach to develop practice plans, game plans, and outside activities that will benefit the team on and off the competitive area. As parents, you know your child, but as coaches, they know the game. Trust them to do their job effectively.

4. Set a good example.

As a parent it is critical that you set a good example for your child. Screaming at them from the sidelines rarely yields desired results. Typically, this type of behavior embarrasses the athlete and may cause their development to falter as they are constantly worried about what their parent will say in the car or yell from the sidelines. Encourage your athlete. Let them start the conversation on the way home and don’t try to over coach them.

5. Don’t live vicariously through your child.

Many parents today work so hard to afford to put their child into a sports activity. Once they do, they feel very tied to each event. Keep in mind that while as a parent you help fund these activities, they are for fun and for the benefit of the child. Less than 1% of youth athletes are able to make a strong living from athletics as a profession. Allow your child to develop a long love of the game by encouraging them rather than pushing them into burn out.

Jessica Kane is a writer for SteelLocker Sports. A leading provider of sporting goods, softball equipment and training programs for coaches, players, parents and institutions with a primary focus on youth sports.

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