Today’s post is inspired partially by this blog post from February at Softball Is for Girls, partially by some of the discussions I’ve seen on Facebook and the Discuss Fastpitch Forum, and maybe a little bit by this song from hair metal band Cinderella.
There’s no doubt it’s been unfortunate that we’ve had to hit the “pause” button on fastpitch softball over the last couple of months. It probably seems like longer because a lot of teams haven’t played outdoors since the fall, but in reality it’s really only been March through the beginning of May so far.
Still, if anything good can come out of it, I hope it’s that more people have a greater appreciation for the sport and what it means to them. Perhaps things that seemed more life-and-death before all of this aren’t taken quite as seriously. (Parents getting into fistfights on the sidelines, I’m looking at you.)
As the Cinderella song says, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. We’ve had it taken away from us, and in some areas it’s still not back yet. Although hopefully that will change soon.
Even where it is back, it’s not really back like it was before. Social distancing and additional rules are going to make it a very different experience, at least for a while.
Whenever you get to watch your next game, here are some of the things I hope for you:
- At your first game or tournament, you take a few moments before or after just to soak up the atmosphere. We always seem to be in a rush to run from one thing to the next, and over a long season all the games and tournaments tend to blur together. So just take a moment to appreciate that you have the opportunity to do this again. Take in the sights, the sounds, the sun and the breeze on your skin, even the smells (as long as you’re not standing next to the Port-o-let. Remember that none of it is guaranteed, as we have just learned. Appreciate it.
- Be a little kinder to the umpires. They have been through what you have been through, and yet they’re back on the field even though they don’t have any kids of their own to watch. They are here so your kids have an opportunity to play the sport we all love. Maybe stop and thank them – from a safe distance, of course.
- Throw a little appreciation the coaches’ way as well. They now have all kinds of new challenges to deal with that weren’t there back in October. It’s not as easy as it looks. And yes, the coaches are going to make some poor decisions from time to time. Try not to take it so seriously. A bad day at the ballpark is better than a good day just about anywhere else.
- Coaches, cut your parents a little slack too. At least most of them. Remember that they have been chomping at the bit to see their kids play again. They may be a bit overly enthusiastic at times. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with rude jerks – no one should – but try to recognize that the demand has been pent-up for a while and make take a bit before it levels out again.
- Players, try not to take it all so seriously. You just got a taste of what life is like without softball, and what a real crisis looks like. Hopefully going 0-for-4 or giving up the game-winning hit doesn’t look quite so devastating anymore. Not that you want to settle for a poor performance, but you can’t let it define you either. Now that you’re back on the ballfield, try to enjoy every minute of it.
- Perhaps most of all, parents please, please, please lighten up on your kids. You just got a taste of what life is like without softball. And so did your kids. If you turn it into a miserable experience for them they’re going to end up hating softball and probably quitting. THEN what will you do? Keep in mind that the shelter-in-place orders have made up a MUCH larger percentage of their lives, especially for 7-10 year olds, than they have for yours. For many, this was the first major world event that directly affected them. It may take them a while to fully adjust to being back on the field, or to get their skills back up to where they were. Deal with it. Enjoy seeing your kid(s) play, because one day it will all be taken away for good. Try to put that day off as long as you can, because I can tell you from first-hand experience you will miss it deeply.
For all the teams starting up again, good luck. For those who are still waiting on the go-ahead, I hope it comes quickly for you.
Whenever you get back there, however, I hope you have a little more appreciation for the opportunities you have and that you take advantage of them fully. For tomorrow is promised to no one.
In the mockumentary All Stars, at one point the frustrated coach of a girls 10U fastpitch softball team tells his wife “The ideal team is one where all the parents are dead.” While that may be a bit extreme, it can be challenging for youth coaches – especially volunteer coaches – to deal with parents. In this guest post, writer Jessica Kane of SteelLocker Sports offers some advice on how coaches can deal with parents more successfully.
In this day in age, fastpitch softball and other youth sports coaches struggle with so many different components that are not necessarily associated with the game. Emotional health of their athletes, physical health and abilities of their athletes, but most of all, parent interactions. Generally speaking, these youth coaches are volunteers who are also likely parents of a child on the team themselves who have minimal formal coach training and are trying to give the athletes the best experience they can. Here are a few tips for dealing with difficult parents.
1. Ask the parents what they want.
More often than not, these coaches are volunteer parents who are out there to pass on knowledge of past playing greatness they once had. As a result, most of these coaches have other professions and are not there to be a sounding board for the parent group. They are there for the kids first and foremost. When interacting with parents, it is essential that coaches establish quickly what the issue is and what the parent hopes to get out of the discussion. Setting boundaries about what coaches will and will not discuss with parents helps guide both parties during conversations. Asking the question, “what is it that you want to see as a result of this conversation?” helps establish an end goal and thus creates a working platform for both parties.
2. Let the kids speak for themselves.
It is important for athletes to learn life skills. Having a conversation with an authority figure (who is not their parent) allows for young athletes to practice many skills they will use throughout life. If a player is unhappy about their playing time, it is crucial to allow them to attempt to communicate with their coach first before parent involvement. Encourage the athlete to discuss their concern about play time, team dynamics, injuries, timing, etc. with their coach independently first so they can practice asking questions and listening and responding appropriately to questions, developing trust between coach and athlete, dealing with disappointment appropriately, and other extremely valuable life skills.
3. Trust the coach to know the sport.
Coaches now are heavily screened and required to know the rules of the game and what that means for their athletes. Trust the coach to develop practice plans, game plans, and outside activities that will benefit the team on and off the competitive area. As parents, you know your child, but as coaches, they know the game. Trust them to do their job effectively.
4. Set a good example.
As a parent it is critical that you set a good example for your child. Screaming at them from the sidelines rarely yields desired results. Typically, this type of behavior embarrasses the athlete and may cause their development to falter as they are constantly worried about what their parent will say in the car or yell from the sidelines. Encourage your athlete. Let them start the conversation on the way home and don’t try to over coach them.
5. Don’t live vicariously through your child.
Many parents today work so hard to afford to put their child into a sports activity. Once they do, they feel very tied to each event. Keep in mind that while as a parent you help fund these activities, they are for fun and for the benefit of the child. Less than 1% of youth athletes are able to make a strong living from athletics as a profession. Allow your child to develop a long love of the game by encouraging them rather than pushing them into burn out.
Jessica Kane is a writer for SteelLocker Sports. A leading provider of sporting goods, softball equipment and training programs for coaches, players, parents and institutions with a primary focus on youth sports.
Apparently I’m not the only one thinking about big picture issues right now. I came across this blog post through a friend (an actual friend, not a “Friend”) on Facebook. KJ, thanks for posting it.
The post talks about one of the most important things a coach can bring to players – the ability to see beyond that game, that season or even the sport itself to understand the influence he or she can have. Here’s an excerpt:
If all coaches could see into the future, to that very day when a kid puts away the cleats or the hi-tops for the last time and walks away from a game………would they choose to coach individual kids differently than they presently do?
That’s a great thought, and very well stated. Wish I’d said it, in fact.
The post is written from the perspective of a parent/coach watching his daughter play her last soccer game ever. It’s well worth a read – not just by parents, but by coaches. Especially coaches who don’t have kids and may not realize the impact they can have.
Give it a look. I think you’ll find it worthwhile. And I add my thanks to all of you who do get this point, and go out there every day not just trying to win championships but help kids grow into the best versions of themselves they can be.
Today after teaching some lessons I came home and settled in front of the TV to watch a couple of college games. First was Arizona and Oregon State, followed by UCLA and Oregon. (Gotta love the PAC12 network.)
Anytime I have a chance to watch college teams on TV is a good day. But this day was particularly interesting, and not just for the games themselves. It had to do with the number of pitchers I had a chance to watch.
You see, when I first got involved in softball, the standard was pretty much each team had an Ace, and they road that arm for better or for worse. I’m sure top teams had other pitchers, but you rarely saw them or even heard their names mentioned.
Today, however, there was an opportunity to see several pitchers. In the first game Arizona ended up winning 22-2. Oregon State went to the bullpen a couple of times trying to put a stop to the pain. Then in the second game, both UCLA and Oregon used three different pitchers (and UCLA brought back their starter) in a game Oregon finally won 6-4.
Entertaining as it was, it also provided a good lesson to young pitchers (and their parents): everyone has a tough day now and then.
It’s easy to forget that sometimes. A young pitcher walks a couple of hitters, or gives up a few hits, and it’s easy for her to get discouraged. Or for her parents to get upset with her. (You hear parents yelling “c’mon!” at youth games all the time.) I’ve seen pitchers reduced to tears as a result of a tough outing.
Then you watch today’s games. Plenty of walks (including runs walked in), a couple of hit by pitches, and some pretty big hits. Arizona alone hit two grand slams, and hit for the home run cycle – solo, 2-run and 3-run on top of the grand slams. The second game had plenty of struggles on both sides as well.
I’m pretty sure every pitcher who took the circle is getting all or at least much of her college education at major institutions paid for. Theoretically they’re among the best in the country. Yet there they were – walking hitters, hitting batters, serving up meatballs.
And there’s the lesson. It happens to everyone. While you never want to be in that position, sooner or later you probably will. You just need to pick yourself up and remember it’s not the end of the world. Instead, go back out the next time and do better.
And if you’re a parent, try not to live and die by every pitch. You could end up dying a thousand times. Instead, remember your daughter is still learning, and will have bad days now and then. Keep today’s pitchers in mind and give your daughter a break. As long as she keeps working she’ll be okay. The faster you can help her put it behind her, the better off she’ll be.