In the mockumentary All Stars, at one point the frustrated coach of a girls 10U fastpitch softball team tells his wife “The ideal team is one where all the parents are dead.” While that may be a bit extreme, it can be challenging for youth coaches – especially volunteer coaches – to deal with parents. In this guest post, writer Jessica Kane of SteelLocker Sports offers some advice on how coaches can deal with parents more successfully. 

In this day in age, fastpitch softball and other youth sports coaches struggle with so many different components that are not necessarily associated with the game. Emotional health of their athletes, physical health and abilities of their athletes, but most of all, parent interactions. Generally speaking, these youth coaches are volunteers who are also likely parents of a child on the team themselves who have minimal formal coach training and are trying to give the athletes the best experience they can. Here are a few tips for dealing with difficult parents.

1. Ask the parents what they want.

More often than not, these coaches are volunteer parents who are out there to pass on knowledge of past playing greatness they once had. As a result, most of these coaches have other professions and are not there to be a sounding board for the parent group. They are there for the kids first and foremost. When interacting with parents, it is essential that coaches establish quickly what the issue is and what the parent hopes to get out of the discussion. Setting boundaries about what coaches will and will not discuss with parents helps guide both parties during conversations. Asking the question, “what is it that you want to see as a result of this conversation?” helps establish an end goal and thus creates a working platform for both parties.

2. Let the kids speak for themselves.

It is important for athletes to learn life skills. Having a conversation with an authority figure (who is not their parent) allows for young athletes to practice many skills they will use throughout life. If a player is unhappy about their playing time, it is crucial to allow them to attempt to communicate with their coach first before parent involvement. Encourage the athlete to discuss their concern about play time, team dynamics, injuries, timing, etc. with their coach independently first so they can practice asking questions and listening and responding appropriately to questions, developing trust between coach and athlete, dealing with disappointment appropriately, and other extremely valuable life skills.

3. Trust the coach to know the sport.

Coaches now are heavily screened and required to know the rules of the game and what that means for their athletes. Trust the coach to develop practice plans, game plans, and outside activities that will benefit the team on and off the competitive area. As parents, you know your child, but as coaches, they know the game. Trust them to do their job effectively.

4. Set a good example.

As a parent it is critical that you set a good example for your child. Screaming at them from the sidelines rarely yields desired results. Typically, this type of behavior embarrasses the athlete and may cause their development to falter as they are constantly worried about what their parent will say in the car or yell from the sidelines. Encourage your athlete. Let them start the conversation on the way home and don’t try to over coach them.

5. Don’t live vicariously through your child.

Many parents today work so hard to afford to put their child into a sports activity. Once they do, they feel very tied to each event. Keep in mind that while as a parent you help fund these activities, they are for fun and for the benefit of the child. Less than 1% of youth athletes are able to make a strong living from athletics as a profession. Allow your child to develop a long love of the game by encouraging them rather than pushing them into burn out.

Jessica Kane is a writer for SteelLocker Sports. A leading provider of sporting goods, softball equipment and training programs for coaches, players, parents and institutions with a primary focus on youth sports.