It sounds good in theory. You want to see your daughter succeed in this difficult game called fastpitch softball, so you decide to hire a private instructor to help her with her hitting, pitching, catching, fielding, strength and conditioning, speed and agility, or whatever other capability with which she needs help.

And in a way you’re right. Good, quality private instruction can definitely shortcut the learning process and help your daughter reach her goals faster, whatever they may be.

Notice, though, that I said “help.” Because there’s more to lessons than finding out who other good or great players go to, arranging a time to get together, and paying a fee.

Following are a few things you should know and/or understand before you take the plunge on lessons.

#1 – They Ain’t Magic

I am often struck by the number of people who think a private instructor is going to wave some sort of magic wand as if they are Headmaster Dumbledore from Harry Potter and magically, instantly turn your daughter into a great player. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes a good instructor can help a girl who has great ability overcome a temporary struggle and show immediate improvement. Usually, though, that’s more along the lines of “getting her back to where she was” rather than achieving some never-before-seen level.

So if your expectation is that doing a few lessons is going to take your daughter from benchwarmer to superstar, or pool play only to top of the lineup, you are going to be really, really disappointed. The reality is…

#2 – Improvement Takes Time

Not just a little time. Often lots and lots of time.

How much depends on the athlete, the skill she is trying to learn, how hard she works at it (more on that in a bit) how willing she is to change/get out of her comfort zone, how ingrained the techniques she’s currently using are, and any physical, mental, or emotional limitations that may be getting in the way.

For example, if your daughter has a badly sprained ankle or is recovering from ACL surgery, she’s probably not going to be able to put a lot of weight on that leg. So expecting her to add a few miles an hour to her pitch speed is probably not going to happen in a couple or even a handful of weeks.

She will first have to get back into shape, and she will have to build confidence that her ankle, knee, etc. can take the impact a strong leg drive creates. Not all of that is conscious, either.

In the book The Body Keeps the Score, the author talks about how the human body copes with various traumas and especially how the central nervous system’s priority is protection, not performance. There could be all kinds of things going on under the hood, so to speak, that are going to prevent your daughter from driving harder even if she intends to.

It takes time to work through all of that. It also takes time to replace old habits with new ones.

Some adapt easier than others, but it’s not like flipping a switch. And the longer she’s been doing things a certain way, the longer it’s going to take to rewrite that programing with new programming.

It could take a couple of weeks. It could take a few months. It could take a year or more. You never really know until you get started.

But if you trust the process, the improvement will come in its own time.

#3 – A Lot of It Is Boring

In my experience there are a lot of people who think that going to a lesson means executing the full skill while an instructor tweaks it.

Yes, that’s a part of the process. But the bulk of the time is going to be spent working on pieces of the process in a sequence that makes sense until your daughter gets each one in good working order. Not perfect, necessarily, but close enough to make it worthwhile to move on to the next piece of the puzzle.

Unfortunately, not every kid is good at handling that sort of work. Some, especially at the younger ages, think it’s boring and just want to throw pitches, or hit balls off pitchers, or do whatever.

As my friend Eric Egmer of CC Baseball says, you have to “embrace the boredom.” Whether or not you subscribe to the concept of 10,000 repetitions to master a skill, It definitely takes a lot. Over and over and over, each one of them done mindfully to ensure they are taking your toward your goal instead of away from it.

Kids who don’t have the patience or attention span for that kind of work are not going to do well with lessons. Some may shut down entirely, making the experience unpleasant for everyone.

So go into it with your eyes open. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time and money.

#4 – Improvement Is Mostly on the Player, Not the Coach

This is actually a two-way street. Most great coaches will tell you that when a player succeeds, 90% of the credit goes to her. The coach can really only claim 10% at best.

The late, great Bill Hillhouse definitely felt that way. When Jay Bolden and I spoke to him on the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast he flat-out stated what Jay and I always say: we teach all our students the same things, but we get varying results.

That’s a pretty big statement given that one of his students, a young lady you may have heard of named Teagan Kavan, has won back-to-back Women’s College World Series championships with her Texas team.

I always tell my students the most important part of the process isn’t the time they spend with me. It’s what they do in-between visits to me that will determine how good they get and how quickly they get there.

Put in a little effort you might get a little improvement. Put in a lot of effort and you’ll see much greater improvement.

Nobody in my experience gets better just doing lessons once a week and nothing else. And even improvements that are made in lessons go away quickly if your daughter is not putting in the work to solidify what she’s learned.

If your daughter isn’t willing to work at least 2-3 days a week outside of lessons again you’re probably wasting your time and money. But if she is eager to put in the work, that investment will pay off big time.

#5 – Quality of Instruction Can Vary Greatly

I’m not sure how many people realize this but there are absolutely no requirements preventing anyone who wants to hang out a shingle and call themselves an instructor from doing so. None.

So you can get experts, semi-qualified people, folks who are just in it to make a buck, former or current high school or college players who may or may not have any idea of what they do when they play, and so on. A real potpourri of possibilities.

If you want to make sure your daughter is taught well, it’s up to you to do some research. Ask around to see who others are using.

Check out the instructor’s website or other online presences. Try to learn at least a little bit about what your daughter should be learning to help you find a coach that teaches that.

It’s definitely a case of caveat emptor – let the buyer beware. You may get lucky without the research – but why take a chance?

#6 – Not Every Instructor Is a Fit for Every Student

Even if you do a great job and find a highly qualified instructor, that doesn’t mean he or she will be a good fit for your daughter.

Just like anything else there are different personalities and different teaching styles. I know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea (hard to believe, I know, but it’s true!).

You want to find someone your daughter is comfortable learning from. Personally, I would prioritize knowledge and expertise first, with compatibility a close second, because no matter how good a fit the instructor is, if he/she doesn’t know what they’re doing the point is kind of moot.

But if it’s not a good fit, find someone else who is also knowledgeable. Presumably your daughter will be spending a lot of time with that coach; it will help if she looks forward to the experience.

Final Thoughts

Lessons can be a big investment. They can also be a big gamble since there is no governing body or tests that are required in order to offer instruction like there are in many other countries (Canada and the UK for sure).

If you decide to pursue them, be sure to go into it with your eyes wide open to make sure both you and your daughter get what you expect our of them.