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Be Sure to Align Your Expectations with Your Work Ethic
Fall is often the time of year when players get a new start. Maybe they joined a new team that plays at a higher level and has a great track record of success.
Maybe they finally started getting private instruction, or made a decision to try a new instructor who has a strong reputation for turning out champions.
Maybe they hired a trainer to help them get bigger, stronger, faster, and/or more agile than they’ve ever been. Maybe it’s some combination of those things, or even something else we haven’t already named.
Whatever it might be, the fact that they took an action to make a change might just be a sign of better days ahead.
Or it may not be. Because there is one other factor that has to be taken into consideration before any of those other changes take effect: whether your personal work ethic is in line with what you’re hoping to get out of those other changes.
Here’s why that’s so critical.
Let’s say we’re talking about changing teams, whether you joined a new travel team or went through the portal and are now with a new college team. On your previous team you were clearly one of the best players.
Part of the reason for that, though, was that your old team didn’t practice that much, and your teammates didn’t practice on their own. You were more athletic than your teammates – and maybe bigger and stronger – so you just naturally were better.
On this team, though, everyone is at your level athletically (or better), and both they and the team practice more. Suddenly this great team you joined because you wanted to play at a higher level is going to require a lot more work.
If you’re not willing to give up that much of your free time, or you want to still do a whole lot of other things (play other sports, be in a theater group, pursue time-intensive hobbies, etc.), you may have to lower your expectations for what your role will be on this team.
Then there’s getting in with that instructor who you’ve heard so many great things about. You walk in with a lot of anticipation, hoping to catch a little of that magic they seem to be dispensing to others.
After the first couple of lessons, however, you start to wonder when the magic part will come out. Because while your expectations for going to this coach were that you would become a superstar by association, the reality is the actual magic happens in-between the lessons when you work on your own.
And if you’re still more dabbling at it than dedicating yourself to making the changes that coach is asking you to make, you’re not going to see much difference. You will not only need to put in the time, but you’re probably going to have to do things differently than you’re used to doing them – no matter how much you liked doing them your way.
Basically, you’re going to have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a little while, even if the short-term results aren’t as good as they were before. If you’ve made a good decision about your coach, the results will come in time.
The thing people often don’t tell you is that highest performers in any field are dedicated to doing more. Not just in terms of volume, although that is often a factor. But in terms of precision.
They are constantly looking for ideas and adjustments that can help them get better. Even if it’s just 5% better.
And they don’t just try it once and, if it doesn’t help, go back to what they were doing before. They give it an honest chance, through multiple repetitions, constantly looking for feedback to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing.
If it doesn’t, they don’t get disappointed. They simply look at it as learning one more way not to do whatever they’re trying to do so they can stay focused on what does work.
We’ve all heard the saying, “Winners train. Losers complain.” It is so true.
Winners don’t go out expecting to win because they are so great. They expect to win because they know they have put in the effort that will lead them to those wins.
It’s easy to daydream of greatness. We all love to do it.
But if you have ambitions of seeing those daydreams turn into reality, be sure your work ethic is aligned with your expectations. Otherwise, you’re just chasing rainbows.
Remember, They’re Still Kids
I am sometimes shocked at the expectations coaches (and parents) seem to have these days for their youth fastpitch softball players. I’m talking pretty much everyone below college players.
You’ll hear coaches rail to 14 year old pitchers about the importance of pitchers hitting spots – by which they mean not ever missing them, not even by a couple of inches, or only missing two or three in a game. You’ll hear coaches telling 12 year olds about the importance of bat control and being able to hit behind the runner. You’ll see coaches yank a 16 year old out of a game in the middle of an inning for misplaying a hard-hit ground ball. And so forth.
Yes, it’s definitely easier to coach if all you have to do is turn in your lineup card and sit back while all your players execute everything perfectly. You can look like a real genius that way.
But the reality is, those players out on the field are still kids. Which means they’re subject to the kind of mistakes kids make.
It’s unrealistic to expect a team of young players to execute the game at the speed and skill level of the players you see on TV. Especially during the Women’s College World Series, when presumably the best of the best are playing.
(Of course, even those players make mistakes – sometimes on what seems like very routine plays. Oddly enough, their coaches don’t scream at them or yank them out in the middle of an inning. But I digress.)
I really think the key is we get so caught up in trying to win games that we forget those players we see are on the field are just kids. So to put it into perspective, I thought it might help to make a list of OTHER things a college-age person might do, or be allowed to do and then ask: would you let your young child do this? For example:
- Drink alcohol (given that the legal drinking age is 21)
- Rent a car (the minimum rental age is 25)
- Drive an Uber/Lyft/Taxi, even with a valid driver’s license
- Buy a new car without a co-signer
- Vote
- Rent an apartment or office space
- Buy a house
- Sell real estate
- Purchase airline tickets
- Purchase lottery tickets
- Gamble in a casino
- Fly an airplane
- Get a safe deposit box
Many of the things on this list are simple, mundane things adults do every day and take for granted. But there is no way you’d want your 12 or 14 year old doing any of them, and probably wouldn’t even want an 18 year old doing most of them.
Why not? Because they’re kids, and as such they don’t think like adults or act like adults so they’re not ready for adult responsibilities. They still have growing and learning to do before they can be held to the standards required to do those things on a regular basis.
So what would make you think they’re ready to play fastpitch softball at the same level as the upper half of 1% of college players you see on TV?
Kids make mistakes. That’s often how they learn. Some kids develop slower than others and may not quite have the hand/eye coordination of their peers, much less players who are 6, 10 or more years older.
Kids mature at different rates too, and while any kid should have some measure of self-control, it’s harder for some than others not to have a mental meltdown when they feel they’ve let themselves, their parents, their coaches, and their teammates down. They just may not have the experience with failure yet to be able to “just shake it off” and bounce right back.
So as you watch (or coach) youth games this weekend, keep in mind all the things you wouldn’t want the players on the field doing outside of softball. Then remember why – because they’re kids.
Maybe it’ll help you lower your blood pressure a bit and enjoy the games a little more.
College softball not always the Valhalla you imagine
There is a belief by many in the fastpitch softball world that making it to play in college gives you entry into a virtual Valhalla where the coaching is top-notch, the players are dedicated to and fully supportive of one another, and all the problems of school or travel ball disintegrate into the rarefied air of collegiate competition.
I’m here to tell you that’s not actually the case. At least not everywhere all the time. I was reminded of that yesterday while watching a collegiate game.
It was a well-played contest between two very competitive teams, each battling to the last out for the win. The weather conditions were hardly ideal, which made the competitive spirit of the players stand out that much more.
Yet sitting in the stands, I once again noticed how it isn’t all that much different from 10U travel ball. I’ve seen games at all levels, and talked to players and coaches as well. Here are a few of my observations on the similarities from yesterday and the past that will hopefully bring a measure of reality to your hoped-for college experience.
Parents still live and die with their daughters’ performances.
I’m sure this never goes away. But you can generally tell whose daughter is at the plate by the way the parents react. When it’s someone else’s kid, they’re relaxed and enjoying the game. When their kid comes to bat, they suddenly tense up.
Many bring out the smartphone to video the at-bat, probably to go over it later in great detail. I’ve heard tales about this or that dad who is pretty brutal on his daughter’s performance. (Moms not so much, although I’m sure it happens.)
Pitchers’ parents have it worse. They have to sit on the seat cushion of nails for the entire half inning. If their daughter struggles, they either tense up visibly or deflate like a balloon. Not all of them – many actually just sit and watch the game, supporting their daughters with the sheer force of their will as best they can – but there are those who definitely go too far with it.
Yelling at the umpires
Another surprising thing. Although it happens at pro games too so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.
But still, do parents really think they’re helping their cause by riding the home plate umpire? In the best care scenario, the plate ump will be a professional and ignore the peanut gallery. That’s usually what happens.
Below the best case, he/she might start giving a little more leeway to the opposing team just to prove a point. Umpires are human beings too (despite what some of you think) and subject to the same human reactions as the rest of us.
There is probably less yelling at and complaining about umpires overall than at a 10U game. But by the time the parents who do it have players of college age, they’ve had a lot of practice at it.
Complaining about the coaches
Pretty much the same thing as with umpires, only different topics. It’s all the usual complaints – playing time, coaching strategy, lineups (why would they put so-and-so in the 5 spot? She hasn’t had a hit since the Democrats controlled Congress!).
They’ll also critique every decision on the field, especially if it goes south. Stealing bases is a great idea until a runner gets thrown out. Then it’s “What were they thinking?” Why are we bunting, or why are we not bunting, is another popular question.
Even the pitch calling gets questioned on a case-by-case basis. Particularly if it results in a home run. Hey, it’s possible the right pitch was called but not thrown. Or the right pitch was called and thrown, but the hitter just did a heckuva job hitting it. That happens too.
Honestly, the parents or fans who do this are in the minority. Versus 10U ball where everyone is an expert and the score doesn’t matter. But it does go on. Why do you think coaches pretty much tell parents at the beginning of the season please come out and support us, but we don’t want to hear from you ever?
Players sniping at one another
I am pretty sure there are some college coaches who are good at keeping a lid on this sort of thing. But softball players are human, and not all humans are good at handling personal responsibility. So when something goes bad on the field, their instinct is to blame others instead of owning their own mistakes.
For example, a player who makes a bad throw might blame the receiver for not moving fast enough to catch it. Or a player who lets a spinner drop in front of her might blame another player for causing confusion by going after the ball – even though every team drills who has priority over who into their players’ heads from day one.
On offense, players might blame one another for lack of production at the plate in a give situation. Especially if the player who struck out with runners in scoring position isn’t a star.
These are the kinds of things losing teams do, even when they’re winning. It happens at 10U, 12U, 14U, etc. And it can happen in college.
Coaches having favorites – and non-favorites
It’s a pretty safe bet that all college coaches have favorites – the kids they count on more than others. The better ones at least make an effort to hide it. But many others make it pretty obvious.
One of the easiest ways to tell is by how long a leash each player has. For example, if player A makes an error, she gets yanked out of the game right away, benched so she can think about her egregious transgression and her sabotaging of the coach’s goal of joining the 500 wins club. If player B makes the same error, however, nothing. “Shake it off,” she’s told. Pretty easy to see who is the favorite.
The problem with this thinking, of course, is that should Player A get back on the field, she will be that much more uptight and cautious. She will be playing not to make an error instead of to make a play. That usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Still, not every coach gets that. And the more they play favorites, the more they create the sorts of divisions in their teams that will prevent them from losing.
Focusing on one play as the reason for a loss
Yes, this still goes on in college too, unfortunately. I’ve written in the past about how it’s never just one thing that causes a loss. But not everyone understands that, even in college. Where they should.
That play at the plate where the runner was called safe when she was clearly out. That bad pitch that ended up in the outfield bleachers. That mishandled ground ball that let the winning run on base. And so forth.
All of these are but single incidents over the entire course of the game. In college there are no time limits, so the minimum length is 6.5 innings. That means the visitors have 21 outs to work with. The home team has either 18 or 21 depending on whether they are winning or losing after 6.5.
So yes, that play at home was costly. But how much would you care if your team had scored 6 more runs? A little argument, then you’d be laughing about it. Same for that error, or that meatball served up like you went to Olive Garden. They’re all meaningless if the team scores more runs, or plays better defense overall.
No game turns on just one play. There are ample opportunities to win throughout. But that instinct to make it all about one event can be strong. Even at the college level.
It’s still fastpitch softball
Just as the game itself doesn’t really change from 10U to college, the things around it don’t change much either. If you don’t believe me, try hanging out at a college game – the closer to home plate the better.
Then just listen to and watch what’s happening around you. Playing in college is still a worthwhile goal. Just be realistic about your expectations once you (or your daughter) get there.
It’s fun – but it’s not Valhalla.
