Today’s post comes from another lesson by Dr. Rob Gilbert, sports psychology professor at Montclair State University in New Jersey. If you’re not already doing it I suggest you call his Success Hotline – (973-743-4690 – where he provides a daily message about how to become a high performer, and listen to his Success Hotline podcast, which is a collection of older messages.

You can also check out this interview that Jay Bolden and I did for the From the Coach’s Mouth podcast a couple of months ago. You’ll thank me if you do it.

In any case, Dr. Gilbert talked about how there are essentially three types of players in the world: those who are Serious/Serious, those who are Serious/Fun, and those who are Fun/Fun. If you’re a player, which type you are can have a huge impact on how successful you are .

Fortunately this isn’t like Motor Preferences, which are baked in at birth; you can change which type you are at any time if you’re willing to do so. Before we look at each type, though, see if you can guess which one has the best chance of being successful.

Got it? Good. Let’s dig in.

Serious/Serious

This type of player is all business all the time. She never smiles, never gets into goofing around with her teammates, never takes a minute in the dugout to just enjoy the moment.

She is there to do a job, and by golly she’s not going to let anything distract her. Honestly, a lot of coaches, especially newly minted ones, fall into this category too.

This type of player is never going to be satisfied or happy with her performance because there’s always something to improve on, always something she could do or could have done better. While that might sound like dedication, it can also lead to frustration and depression because nothing is ever good enough.

She’s also probably going to be a bit lonely in a team setting because nobody will want to be around here. She may excel, but she’ll never enjoy it.

Fun/Fun

We’ve probably all known someone like this. Unlike the Serious/Serious player, this one is a lot of fun to be around because she’s like a walking birthday party (without the cake).

Nothing ever gets her down. If she makes a mistake she legit laughs it off because really, who cares? It’s just a game.

The problem here is much of the time she can’t focus enough to be a strong contributor. There are times when you need to have your head in the game and be distraction-free so you can perform well and the team can continue to win.

But this player is too busy having a good time to notice. Which means you can’t really count on her to perform when you need her most.

Maybe she’ll get lucky and make the play or get the hit anyway. But do you really want to count on luck?

You might think well, at least she’s good to have on the bench to keep the team “up.” This is true up until the point her antics become a distraction. Then it can be a detriment.

Serious/Fun

This player combines the best of the other two without the obvious downsides. She takes her game seriously, and works hard to be the best she can be.

Like the Serious/Serious player she will likely take extra reps when she can, will work on the little nuances that can help her improve her game, and will be able to bring a laser focus when it’s needed.

Yet like the Fun/Fun player she doesn’t take a “life or death” approach. She still knows it’s a game, and while she may take a critical loss hard, she will also be able to let it go after feeling what she needs to feel.

She will also have an appreciation for the fact that she gets to play this beautiful game regardless of the outcome, and that she gets to become friends with people she might never have met or hung out with otherwise.

Essentially, her approach is balanced, and she can move between being serious and fun as appropriate, allowing her to become not just the best player she can be, but the best human being she can be.

The Big Question

So there you have it – the three basic types of players. Now the question is which type are you? And which type do you want to be?

From my (and Dr. Gilbert’s, by the way) point of view, the optimal is Serious/Fun. You want that balance that we talked about so you don’t get too down on yourself when things don’t go your way, and you don’t let distractions keep you from developing yourself into the player you’re meant to be.

If you’re in the Serious/Serious category, try to find someone who is more Serious/Fun and perhaps adopt them as a role model. If you have direct access to them (a teammate, a friend, etc.) ask them how they manage to find the fun even when they’re being serious. Their answer might surprise you.

If not, look for a famous player, maybe even in a different sport, and see what they do to lighten themselves up. If they’re a high-performer you can be sure they’re serious at least some of, if not most, of the time.

Read about them, look for YouTube or podcast interviews, and see what they have to say. I’ll bet you’ll find some who used to be Serious/Serious but learned how to lighten up along the way.

They don’t have to be from your sport, or even sports at all for that matter. They could be actors, or business people, or doctors/nurses, or from any other profession. Every type of job has its challenges; learning how others keep those challenges in perspective just might help you with yours.

If you’re Fun/Fun on the other hand, you have to make sure you’re playing at the right level. Even if you have the physical ability, you’re probably not going to be that happy on a super-serious A level travel team or a Division 1 college team.

So you have a choice: you can either make a decision to take your softball more seriously and put in the work required to improve your focus and mental game, or find a team with like-minded players and coaches. You may not win a lot, but if you’re a true Fun/Fun that probably won’t matter as much. Just getting out and playing will be good enough for you.

This is not a question of right and wrong. It’s more of what’s right and wrong for you.

Figure out which type you are, and whether that’s the type you want to be. If it is, run with it.

But if it’s not, put in the work to become the player you want to be and you’ll be more satisfied with your experience in the end.