Coaching, Bearded Dragons and Relationship Building

It was yet another oppressively hot, very humid day here in the Midwest – the type we used to associate with Mississippi but now is happening here on a regular basis.

My first lesson of the afternoon, a young 10U pitcher we’ll call Hermione (for reasons that will become obvious shortly), had the look of someone who wanted to be anywhere but a pitching lesson.

“Jump some rope to warm up,” I told her, and she slowly shuffled over to the fence where the rope was hanging before giving it a half-hearted effort. Then she went out to throw with her mom, and could barely get the ball there despite the fact they weren’t more than 15 feet apart.

This was the second time in a row she had come out that way. “Maybe she just doesn’t want to pitch,” I said to her mom. That’s ok, I said, but then no sense torturing her with a lesson.

Mom left it up to Hermione and she said she wanted to do it so we continued – after I talked to her for a few minutes.

“I know it’s hot,” I told her, “but there’s nothing we can do about that. But attitude is a choice. You can choose to put the effort in or not – it’s totally in your control.”

That worked about as well as you’d expect it to work on a 10U player, but we continued anyway.

“She may be tired,” her mom offered. “We went to the zoo yesterday.”

“Really?” I replied, thinking we might have a different way to approach things. “What zoo?” I asked Hermione.

“Mmph,” she said.

“Milwaukee,” her mom added.

“I love the Milwaukee Zoo,” I said to Hermione. “What are your favorite exhibits?”

“Mmph,” she replied again.

Then mom stepped in again. “We went to the small mammals, (something else I don’t remember), and reptiles.”

“Reptiles?” I said. That’s an unusual choice if you’re only seeing three.

“I like reptiles.” Hermione offered.

Say Word Reaction GIF by Justin

Aha! An actual response. I dug into it a little more, and then came the turning point. Her mom said the reptile house didn’t have any bearded dragons.

“Oh, you like those?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said with some enthusiasm. “I have a bearded dragon in my room.”

From then on it was like someone flipped a switch. Instead of looking like someone in a hostage video she became quite animated as we talked about beardies in general (that’s what the “in the know” people call them) and hers in particular.

Over the course of the lesson I learned her beardy’s name as Phoenix Firebolt (for Dumbledore’s pet and Harry Potter’s broomstick), which of course meant I also learned she liked Harry Potter. I learned that beardies eat grain and bugs, and that bugs are a lot more expensive than grain.

I learned she liked to dress Phoenix up in costumes, and that Phoenix wasn’t exactly a fan.

“I just have a couple,” she told me. “A lot of people do it all the time.

I also learned she liked to take Phoenix for walks, and that if she took the leash off outside without an adult present Phoenix would try to escape. A lesson discovered the hard way.

Throughout all of this conversation Hermione continued to pitch. Her throws got harder and more accurate.

I would make corrections here or there, but quickly follow that up with a beardy question. The lesson flew by, with Hermione making tremendous progress.

It was a good reminder for me. There is a saying that players don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

In other words, your ability as a coach to build a relationship with a player on her terms is critical to your success.

Whether it carries over automatically to next week remains to be seen. But hopefully, at least with this one player, I have a key to unlock her resistance or reluctance and help her enjoy her pitching lessons instead of just enduring them.

That’s the challenge for all coaches. Get to know your players, especially at the younger ages. Find out what floats their boats.

Because if you can establish some common ground there, they just might let you in a little faster to help them become the players they’re meant to be.

Bearded dragon photo by Saketh Upadhya on Pexels.com

About Ken Krause

Ken Krause has been coaching girls fastpitch softball for nearly 20 years. Some may know him as a contributing columnist to Softball Magazine, where he writes Krause's Korner -- a regular column sponsored by Louisville Slugger. Ken is also the Administrator of the Discuss Fastpitch Forum, the most popular fastpitch discussion forum on the Internet. He is currently a Three Star Master Coach with the National Fastpitch Coaches Association (NFCA), and is certified by both the Amateur Softball Association (ASA) and American Sports Education Program (ASEP). Ken is a private instructor specializing in pitchers, hitters, and catchers. He teaches at North Shore Baseball Academy in Libertyville, IL and Pro-Player Consultants in McHenry, IL.

Posted on August 20, 2021, in Coaching, General Thoughts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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