Blog Archives
Thank You and Farewell to Retiring Coaches
As the travel ball season winds down (that went fast!) some of you out there are coaching your final games. Whether your daughter is done with her fastpitch softball career, is going to a team with so-called “professional” coaches, your organization is making a change in how it selects coaches, you’ve just decided coaching is something you no longer want to do, or there is some other reason, the next couple of weeks (or so) will no doubt be bittersweet.
Well, I for one, want to thank you for taking on what is often a thankless job and doing your best to help the players you served as either a head or assistant coach.
As your last team plays its last few games, be sure you take a little time to reflect on the journey that brought you here. Because coaching youth sports is both one of the most difficult and most rewarding ways an adult can spend his/her time (if you are truly in it for the right reasons).
You’ve weathered countless storms of parents angry about their daughter’s playing time, the position she’s played, where she is in the batting order, decisions you made on the field, the caliber of teams you’ve played (either too hard or too soft), when and where you set up practice, some random comment you made that someone took personally, your selection of white pants, and how you enforced the team rules that were CLEARLY spelled out at the parent meeting you held right after tryouts were held and offers were accepted.
You’ve endured countless sleepless nights the night before the start of a tournament, going over batting orders, field lineups, contingency plans, and other things no one else had to worry about. You got to the hotel before everyone else so you could drive from the hotel to the tournament site to make sure the time Google maps says it will take your team to get to the field is the time it will actually take.
You’ve made sure someone is arranging meals and snacks. You’ve checked and re-checked the med kit to make sure you have everything you may need in case of injury.
You’ve carried around a 20 lb. bag of miscellaneous objects such as glove lace (and glove lacing tools), duct tape, spare sunglasses, a measuring tape, drying towels, cooling towels, and more to ensure you’re ready for every contingency. You’ve say through countless pre-tournament meetings while everyone else was off having a meal and/or an adult beverage or swimming in the pool.
And now that part is all over, and you may feel a little sense of relief. But you’re feeling something else too.
You know you’re going to miss working with your team, running drills and walking through situations to help your team learn this very complex and often heartbreaking game. You’re going to miss the challenge of facing an opponent that on paper looks to be better than you but that somehow your team manages to overcome.
You’re really going to miss the thrill of seeing a player who came to you barely able to put her glove on the correct hand suddenly blossom into regular contributor to your team’s success. And you’re going to miss the camaraderie that comes with spending so many hours with a group of people you really like as you work toward a common goal.
Come this fall if you don’t have a daughter playing anymore it’s going to feel strange to wake up at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning with nowhere to be and nothing to do.
If you do have one playing for someone else, it will still be odd to be sitting on the sidelines in your camp chair drinking coffee instead of tossing batting practice, fungoing ground and fly balls, or sitting in the dugout agonizing over a lineup.
So thanks for the hundreds of hours you’ve spent working with your players, attending live clinics and online classes to learn how to coach your players better, and missing out on events with family and friends because your team had a game to play. Thanks for always looking out for your players’ best interests, even when it felt like they may have conflicted with your own.
And most of all, thanks for caring about your players as people rather than just chess pieces to be pushed around a board. You may not realize it now, but the impact you made on at least some of their lives is probably immeasurable.
So as things wind down, take a moment to savor all that was great about being a coach. Linger a little longer after practice, and especially after your last game, and think about the good times you’ve had and the lives you have touched by saying “yes” when many others would have said and did say “no.”
Thank you Coach and farewell! You have made a difference in a lot of lives.
Main photo by Kindel Media on Pexels.com
There’s a Difference Between Being Demanding and Being Mean
We’ve all seen the stereotype in dozens of sports movies over the years: the coach who constantly screams at and demeans his/her players early in the movie only to go on to win the a championship during the climactic ending.
It makes for great Hollywood drama. But unfortunately too many people today watch those movies and think it’s a blueprint for how to become a successful coach.
So all they really do is learn how to yell and scream at their players, calling them names and telling them how horrible they are. And then punishing them physically for a lack of performance.
Do they really think that helps? Personally, I think it’s more of a symptom that the real-life coach has no idea how to help their team better so they just yell or do other things in the hopes that it will miraculously scare the players into playing better.
So does that mean coaches shouldn’t raise their voices to their players or hold them accountable? Absolutely not.
But what they need to understand is there’s a difference between being demanding, or being tough, and being mean.
Being demanding is holding your players to a high standard – after teaching them what the standard is. Take a baserunner who is called out for not tagging up at third.
My first question in that situation is whether the coach actually went over the rules on tagging up and explained what to do in that situation. If not, they shouldn’t be calling out the player.
As a team coach, I always assumed my players didn’t know anything if I didn’t teach it to them. That way I was encouraged to teach them as much as I could about the game rather than assuming they knew certain things only to be disappointed later.
If the coach did teach it and the player had a mental lapse then yes, the coach should call it out. While they may get a bit heated in the moment, a demanding coach will remind the player that they went over it, here’s what you’re supposed to do (teachable moment) and talk about staying focused and aware of the situation.
A mean coach will call the player a name or two, ask if the player is trying to make the coach look bad, and probably bench the player for making a mistake. The problem is, if the player made that mistake she probably doesn’t know what she should have done instead, and the situation is likely to repeat itself in the future.
Demanding coaches are tough because they want to get the best from their players. To paraphrase the old Boy Scout slogan, they want to leave the player better than they found her.
Mean coaches are tough because they feel anything players do wrong reflects poorly on THEM, and their egos can’t handle people thinking they are bad coaches.
Demanding coaches believe in their players and hold them accountable to a defined set of standards. They care about seeing their become better at the sport as well as better people.
Yes, they want to win just like anybody else. But they’re also careful not to sacrifice their players’ self-esteem at the altar of winning.
Deep down they want their players to enjoy the experience and maintain or even enhance their passion for the game. And yes, their overall goal is for their players to have fun.
Mean coaches don’t rally care if their players are enjoying the experience or having fun. They don’t care if their players get burned out or lose their passion for the game because hey, there’s always another player coming along and maybe that one will be naturally better.
Which is a good segue to the fact that demanding coaches love to teach the game to their players. As with our baserunning example above they don’t assume anything; they thrive on the details.
Take the story about UCLA basketball and all-around coaching legend John Wooden. The first thing Coach Wooden would do with his incoming freshmen was teach them how to put on their socks.
Now, these were 18 year old college students who had presumably been dressing themselves for more than a decade, and many at first thought it was silly that their coach was teaching them how to put on socks. But the process served two purposes.
First, the way he had them do it would help prevent them from getting blisters on their feet during the long and difficult practices they went through. Very practical.
But it also served to show them in a subtle way that there was a UCLA way to do things, and that these individual players, all of whom had probably been stars on their high school teams, needed to adopt the UCLA way of doing things if they were going to be part of the team.
I find that mean coaches don’t teach the game that much – often because they haven’t put in the effort to learn much beyond the basics or whatever they were taught when they were playing. They would much rather just try to recruit good players and throw them on the field to fend for themselves.
Then, if their performance doesn’t meet the coach’s standards (i.e., it causes the team to lose), the coach will try to harangue the player into doing better or bench them in the hopes that feeling bad about being taken out will make them play better the next time they’re on the field – if there is a next time.
In the end, it all comes down to intentions.
The demanding coach wants to see players reach their potential not just as athletes but as human beings, and will remind them that the pursuit of excellence has no days off. They may sound mean or angry at times, but underlying that surface is a layer of love.
The mean coach doesn’t really care about the player reaching their potential except as it affects winning and the accolades that the coach will receive for the team’s performance. There is no love there, or loyalty for that matter.
It’s simply a transactional approach that sees players as chess pieces to be used and/or discarded as-needed to bolster the coach’s self-image, regardless of the toll it takes on their players.
The good news is both players and coaches have a choice.
If you’re a coach, think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Is it helping your players to become better people as well as athletes?
If yes, great. If not, while you may think you’re being tough you may just be being mean.
If you’re a player, or the parent of a player, think about whether this coach cares about you as a person and is promoting your love of the game.. If yes, while you may not always enjoy it they’re being demanding to help you grow.
If not, they may just be mean. And you can either accept and understand it for what it is or move on,
Either way it’s not you. It’s them.
Angry woman photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Body Language and Finding the Diamond Within the Coal
Today’s topic was suggested by a longtime friend and reader who is also a highly successful travel and high school fastpitch softball coach as well as a private instructor.
His name is Darrell, but he is mostly known to members of the Discuss Fastpitch Forum by his screen name of Cannonball. He is well known for offering great advice and counsel on a whole variety of subjects in the softball world.
The topic he suggested was about not being too quick to judge a player by her body language, or give up on her too quickly, because there may be more going on beneath the surface than we might realize. (As a corollary to that idea, players need to be careful about the story their body language is telling about them, especially when college coaches are around. But that’s a topic for another day.)
Cannonball then went on to tell me about a player who crossed his path whose every posture, gesture, and facial expression gave off an “I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here” vibe. It’s tough to work with players who seem like they don’t want to put in the effort to get better, so he was ready to write her off like everyone else.
But he was asked to work with her on hitting so he decided to dig a little deeper and find out what her story was before making any final decisions.
It turns out that she was A) playing for everyone else and their expectations instead of herself and B) constantly being compared to other players who were maybe a little more advanced at the time instead of being allowed to grow at her own pace.
This is definitely a common story, especially at the younger ages. Young people grow and mature and get control of their bodies at different times and in different ways. The girl who is scrawny and awkward at 10, or short and pudgy at 12, just might turn out to be an excellent athlete once she gets better control of her limbs and/or the puberty wand hits her.
There is even a blurb going around the book of many of faces that addresses this, and how the kid who is behind at 10 years old just may turn out to be the best of the bunch when she is 14 or 16. Anyone who’s been around kids for any length of time has seen that happen time and time again.
Yet all too often coaches whose obsession is winning or parents who desperately want their kid to be a star are quick to dismiss or even denigrate those kids when they fail to measure up to the coach’s or parents’ expectations. When that happens, something that should bring joy and be a relief from the challenges of everyday life instead becomes yet another burden.
And, since most youngsters aren’t too good at hiding their emotions, those negative feelings often show up in body language, facial expressions, and “attitude” that makes it look like those kids don’t want to be there or don’t care. In many cases it’s a defense mechanism to protect that child against any further expectations so their self-image or feelings aren’t hurt any further.
Then, after a while, that mask they’re wearing becomes their actual attitude or approach. At which point the downward spiral continues.
That’s why you don’t want to be too quick to judge poor body language or an apparent bad/sad attitude before taking a look under the hood to see what’s underlying it.
In some cases, it may be that the player really isn’t interested in softball and would rather be spending her time doing something else. If that is the case, a good coach will help her figure out what she really wants to do (and how to tell her parents) then do his/her best to make the remaining softball experience as pleasant as it can be for all.
But if there is a spark there waiting to be lit, instead of just relegating the player to the bench or shining her on entirely a good coach will dig below the surface to see what’s really going on and help turn that spark into a four-alarm blaze.
That’s what Cannonball did for the girl he thought didn’t want to be there. He says:
It seems that she was playing for everyone else and not herself. It seems that she could never be good enough. It seems that she was constantly compared to other players and did not measure up. I had to address that first. She had to be told to play for herself and if she enjoyed the game and her efforts, the rest was just noise she needed to avoid.
She was doing ok on her TB team and as we progressed and she understood the reasons why she was playing, she took off. She went from 7th in the lineup to 3rd. She became a hard charger this summer.
Heck, we were getting ready for a hitting session and it started sprinkling as she did her pre-lesson routine. I told her we might have to cancel since it was going to begin raining harder. She said that she had nationals and wanted one more lesson. We/she hit in the pouring rain.
Wow, what a turnaround, and what a story! All because a caring coach pushed past the surface to find out more about the player and why she didn’t seem too enthused about playing ball.
Yes, it can be difficult. It’s definitely much easier to take your best players and put them on the field while leaving out the others. Especially if your main goal is to win no matter what.
But think about the impact Cannonball made on this young lady.
Maybe she’ll go on to play in college, or maybe she won’t. But also maybe his believing in her, and helping her to believe in herself, will lead to her doing more in her life in some other aspect and contributing something great to society than she might have otherwise.
Oh, and while we have been focused on the younger ages, this also goes for older players. Perhaps you’re a 16U or 18U or high school coach with a player who came to softball late.
Maybe she doesn’t quite measure up to some of your other players yet. Maybe she’s a little intimidated by the others because she sees the difference in skill levels.
But if she’s working hard, why not find a way to encourage her and give her an opportunity to test her skills? The confidence boost you give her might just lead to her surprising you on the field – and making a difference in her life off of it.
It’s easy to dismiss a player whose body language makes it look like she doesn’t want to be there. But don’t fall into the trap of assuming.
Before you write her off as a lost cause, find out what’s happening below the surface. You may find there’s a diamond under there waiting to be brought out.
Diamond photo Wikimedia Commons contributors, “File:Natural white diamond.jpg,” Wikimedia Commons, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File:Natural_white_diamond.jpg&oldid=610400260 (accessed November 18, 2023).
Life in the Fastpitch Lane 
