So, the good news is your daughter made the high school fastpitch softball team. Congratulations! That’s a relief, especially in those increasingly rare instances where high school softball programs are still actually cutting players.

Now the “bad” news: if you’ve never been through the experience you could be in for a rude awakening. Because unless your high school coach is also your travel or rec league team coach, high school softball is often very different from travel or rec ball.

Understand that doesn’t mean I’m about to bash high school coaches. There are many excellent, caring, knowledgeable high school coaches out there.

I know some of them myself, and have heard great stories about many more. Also, many of the things that are said to criticize high school coaches could just as easily be applied to travel or rec coaches.

But it is a different experience, so if you’re a parent or guardian of a newly minted high school player you need to be aware of a few things before you get yourself all tied up in knots before the first pitch is thrown. Here are a few simple rules on how to survive high school softball.

Understand the Power Structure

This is Rule #1. In 99.999% of high school softball situations you have no power. None. Nada. Zilch.

It is basically an authoritarian system where all decisions rest with the head coach and where trying to buck that reality or get around it could end up hurting your daughter rather than helping her. Think Vladimir Putin with a clipboard instead of a nuclear arsenal.

But wait, you’re friends with the athletic director or a school board member? Surely that must give you some leverage, right?

Nope. The reality is softball is not a revenue sport so no one at that level cares about the drama or the day-to-day operations of the softball program.

It is nearly impossible to get a high school softball coach replaced or even reprimanded, especially because you think your daughter should be playing varsity or playing shortstop or doing something else high-profile and the head coach does not. The head coach basically has to do something illegal, and seriously so, to even have anyone look into him/her.

Even then, it’s likely that the head coach and whoever is doing the investigating are friends or at least colleagues, so the chances of a change being made are pretty slim. And if the head coach survives, your daughter probably has a target on her back.

Unless there is actual physical abuse, it’s probably best to remember the old saying “If come at the King (or Queen), you’d best not miss.”

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look at what you can do.

Remember It’s Hard to Change Teams

Parents who are used to jumping teams in travel ball may be surprised to learn this, but if you don’t like your high school’s coach you only have two basic options.

The most obvious is to move to another school district. I’m pretty sure that the way public school works everywhere is you are basically assigned to a high school based on where you live.

If that’s not true in your area please share that info in the comments, by the way. I love to learn.

But assuming what I said is true, you can’t just request for your daughter to go to another public high school because you don’t like the softball coach, or you don’t like anything else for that matter.

There is another option, however. You can always send your daughter to a private school if you can afford to pay the freight, which can amount to the down payment on a small house or a really nice boat each semester.

If you’re going there for the education that’s one thing. More power to you.

But if you’re doing it so you can brag to your friends and family that your daughter is the starting shortstop it may not be your best investment. Although it’s your money so if it’s that important to you I guess have at it.

The good news is, if your daughter goes on to play in college the new portal rules open everything up again, making it easier to move teams if you’re not happy with the situation. So there’s that.

Learn to Enjoy the Game from the Outfield

In rec and travel ball, parents often like to sit as close to the action as they can – whether it’s to see the game better, offer hitting advice to their daughters when they come up to bat, or help the home plate umpire call the game.

If you’re in category #1 you can still do that. If you’re in category #2 or #3, though, my suggestion is to forget all that and learn to enjoy the game from the outfield.

When you’re sitting either down the line or even better behind the home run fence it’s a lot less likely that the coach who makes playing time decisions will be able to hear your running commentary. You’ll also be sitting among your people, the others who are unhappy with the head coach and are trying to figure out a way to get him/her removed.

You’ll also be safe from rabbit-eared umpires who are looking for a fan to toss to make sure the rest of the crazy softball parents stay in line and don’t plan to form a lynch mob because he/she blew a safe/out call at home in the second inning, thereby hurting their daughter’s team’s chances of overcoming that eight-run deficit they currently have.

The good news there is at least one of the outfield regulars probably has a little something stashed in his/her thermos jug in violation of the school’s strict drug and alcohol policy. Get friendly with that person and the game will become more tolerable, at least by the fourth inning.

Don’t Over-Think It

Maybe you’re a student of the game who loves to argue the nuances of how to put together a productive offensive lineup or how to use data to position each fielder to increase the chances of getting an out. Maybe you are considered by yourself or even others to be an expert at calling pitches or using the short game strategically.

Whatever you believe makes your decisions better than those of the head coach, learn to set it all aside. Because all you’re going to do is make yourself aggravated or angry, and who needs that?

Instead, learn to just chill in your chair and enjoy watching the game for the sheer pleasure of seeing your daughter play. Trust me on this one.

If you just sit back and let the game happen however it happens you’ll be a lot happier. And so will your daughter.

Remember the Cosmic Snowball Theory

This is something I first came across in the book Ball Four, the first sports tell-all book by Jim Bouton. It’s seen me through many a tough time. It goes:

“A billion years from now, the Earth will just be a big cosmic snowball floating through space, and nothing that happens here today will matter.”

When you’re getting all angry about this decision or that boneheaded move, keep the Cosmic Snowball Theory in mind. It’ll save you a lot of grief and heartache – and maybe a trip to jail.