Today’s topic was suggested by a longtime friend and reader who is also a highly successful travel and high school fastpitch softball coach as well as a private instructor.

His name is Darrell, but he is mostly known to members of the Discuss Fastpitch Forum by his screen name of Cannonball. He is well known for offering great advice and counsel on a whole variety of subjects in the softball world.

The topic he suggested was about not being too quick to judge a player by her body language, or give up on her too quickly, because there may be more going on beneath the surface than we might realize. (As a corollary to that idea, players need to be careful about the story their body language is telling about them, especially when college coaches are around. But that’s a topic for another day.)

Cannonball then went on to tell me about a player who crossed his path whose every posture, gesture, and facial expression gave off an “I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here” vibe. It’s tough to work with players who seem like they don’t want to put in the effort to get better, so he was ready to write her off like everyone else.

But he was asked to work with her on hitting so he decided to dig a little deeper and find out what her story was before making any final decisions.

It turns out that she was A) playing for everyone else and their expectations instead of herself and B) constantly being compared to other players who were maybe a little more advanced at the time instead of being allowed to grow at her own pace.

This is definitely a common story, especially at the younger ages. Young people grow and mature and get control of their bodies at different times and in different ways. The girl who is scrawny and awkward at 10, or short and pudgy at 12, just might turn out to be an excellent athlete once she gets better control of her limbs and/or the puberty wand hits her.

There is even a blurb going around the book of many of faces that addresses this, and how the kid who is behind at 10 years old just may turn out to be the best of the bunch when she is 14 or 16. Anyone who’s been around kids for any length of time has seen that happen time and time again.

Yet all too often coaches whose obsession is winning or parents who desperately want their kid to be a star are quick to dismiss or even denigrate those kids when they fail to measure up to the coach’s or parents’ expectations. When that happens, something that should bring joy and be a relief from the challenges of everyday life instead becomes yet another burden.

And, since most youngsters aren’t too good at hiding their emotions, those negative feelings often show up in body language, facial expressions, and “attitude” that makes it look like those kids don’t want to be there or don’t care. In many cases it’s a defense mechanism to protect that child against any further expectations so their self-image or feelings aren’t hurt any further.

Then, after a while, that mask they’re wearing becomes their actual attitude or approach. At which point the downward spiral continues.

That’s why you don’t want to be too quick to judge poor body language or an apparent bad/sad attitude before taking a look under the hood to see what’s underlying it.

In some cases, it may be that the player really isn’t interested in softball and would rather be spending her time doing something else. If that is the case, a good coach will help her figure out what she really wants to do (and how to tell her parents) then do his/her best to make the remaining softball experience as pleasant as it can be for all.

But if there is a spark there waiting to be lit, instead of just relegating the player to the bench or shining her on entirely a good coach will dig below the surface to see what’s really going on and help turn that spark into a four-alarm blaze.

That’s what Cannonball did for the girl he thought didn’t want to be there. He says:

It seems that she was playing for everyone else and not herself. It seems that she could never be good enough. It seems that she was constantly compared to other players and did not measure up. I had to address that first. She had to be told to play for herself and if she enjoyed the game and her efforts, the rest was just noise she needed to avoid.

She was doing ok on her TB team and as we progressed and she understood the reasons why she was playing, she took off. She went from 7th in the lineup to 3rd. She became a hard charger this summer.

Heck, we were getting ready for a hitting session and it started sprinkling as she did her pre-lesson routine. I told her we might have to cancel since it was going to begin raining harder. She said that she had nationals and wanted one more lesson. We/she hit in the pouring rain.

Wow, what a turnaround, and what a story! All because a caring coach pushed past the surface to find out more about the player and why she didn’t seem too enthused about playing ball.

Yes, it can be difficult. It’s definitely much easier to take your best players and put them on the field while leaving out the others. Especially if your main goal is to win no matter what.

But think about the impact Cannonball made on this young lady.

Maybe she’ll go on to play in college, or maybe she won’t. But also maybe his believing in her, and helping her to believe in herself, will lead to her doing more in her life in some other aspect and contributing something great to society than she might have otherwise.

Oh, and while we have been focused on the younger ages, this also goes for older players. Perhaps you’re a 16U or 18U or high school coach with a player who came to softball late.

Maybe she doesn’t quite measure up to some of your other players yet. Maybe she’s a little intimidated by the others because she sees the difference in skill levels.

But if she’s working hard, why not find a way to encourage her and give her an opportunity to test her skills? The confidence boost you give her might just lead to her surprising you on the field – and making a difference in her life off of it.

It’s easy to dismiss a player whose body language makes it look like she doesn’t want to be there. But don’t fall into the trap of assuming.

Before you write her off as a lost cause, find out what’s happening below the surface. You may find there’s a diamond under there waiting to be brought out.

Diamond photo Wikimedia Commons contributors, “File:Natural white diamond.jpg,” Wikimedia Commons, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File:Natural_white_diamond.jpg&oldid=610400260 (accessed November 18, 2023).